Rooftops - A Year In The Making

Chapter 9 - Fieldley

Me and Cassy (she told me to call her that) have been sneaking out for about 2 weeks now. Every day except when she went on a day trip to see her cousins back in Yorkshire. Yesterday we were sat on the roof for about 2 hours just talking until she got called in at about 11 o'clock. Whilst we were sat there we saw a gap in the fence at the end of my garden, and it led to the beautiful corn field facing us.

We had agreed to go into the corn field tomorrow as it is the weekend and take sandwiches. From the roof all we could see was the big corn field and a row of trees at the end. No idea what was further than that. But tomorrow we were going to find out.

As I wake up I feel the usual excitement I've been experiencing the last couple of weeks. I only wear short shorts and a vest to bed because I know no-one will see me so when I get up and head to the bathroom I can see the scabbing scars on my arm.

I've been clean for about a week now, the longest I can remember and the hundreds of sad stories told on my arms were beginning to heal. She was healing me.

As I walk back into my room I get dressed into black skinny jeans, that hang loser than they should be on my skinny legs and a long sleeved grey top in the style of a knitted jumper. It's meant to be the hottest day of the year today so I swap my doc martians for my old black and white canvas shoes that are too small for me.

There's about 2 hours until I am meant to meet Cassy so I sit on my bed and listen to music through my headphones. The music I listen to, screamo, heavy metal. Whilst it is considered one persons nightmare it's my lullaby and after about 5 songs my eyelids close leaving me once again filled with darkness.

"Wake up sleepyhead" A gentle touch prods me on the shoulder in a playful manor causing me to rock back and forth on my squeaky bed. By the time I am able to open my tired eyes Casssy is sat on the side of my bed taking in her surroundings.
"How did you get in?" I ask in my rather unattractive morning voice.
"Good morning to you too!" She mocks and angry face and pouts at me. I sigh,
"Morning."

"That's better" She giggles, "So what ya listening to?" Her cheery voice no match for my sleepy almost-human noises.
"Sleeping with sirens" I manage to say.

"Never heard of 'em" She says matter-of-factly.
"How dare you" I say waking up suddenly, we both laugh and she pay punches me on the arm.

I flinch at her touch. That's how it's always been since dad left, not able to open up, not able to tolerate any human contact. She's used to it by now but keeps forgetting. Every time I flinch she pretends to not notice it but I see the glimpse of guilt in her eyes, and, sadness?

I never can tell the flickers of emotion in her eyes, they're always there when she sees me, when I pull a smile from my limited supply. But her?  She can see right through me.

"Shall we go?" She says after an awkward silence. I nod and sit up on my bed stretching and rubbing my eyes. She looks down at me.
"Aww your cute when you wake up." I can't help but smile. She's never called me cute before. She see's me smiling and joins in, us making eye contact in one of those nice rare occasions.

Next thing I know we have crawled through the gap in the fence and I am standing in a corn field with the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life. She turns to me and I can feel her smile it is so powerful, even though it is out of sight. I pretend not to notice though, still not comfortable with the slightest human interaction.

"Let's go!" She shout's, almost before I can notice that she has started to run, her body has been engulfed by the soft golden stalks. Then I run after her, a smile plastered on my face,
"Wait!" I shout out behind her, laughter following and her echoing me with her perfect giggle.

At first I can't tell the difference between her hair and the golden sprouting plants, but as she speeds up her gorgeous hair takes flight and glides effortlessly behind her. I follow it in a trance until she starts to get tired and my feet start to hurt. Then we walk for a little while catching our breath until we come to a clearing obviously made by the big wheels of a tractor.

I take this opportunity to take a look at my sore feet, which are covered in blisters from wearing overly small shoes. I then slip them back on to hide my feet.
"Why don't you just take them off, that looks really painful" Says Casssy, I didn't know she was watching.

"Nah" I say, not really one for taking a jumper off, let alone shoes.
"Cummon" She tries to persuade me. "I'll take mine off?" She questions sensing my discomfort. Feeling a little more confidant I agree reluctantly.

Then we walk side by side, both of us in the soft carpet track made by a wheel, and just walk. We must walk for about half an hour, just walking, no talking. Only sharing the occasional half-smile as our eyes crossed paths.

Before long we meet the intimidating row of tall trees, far away from it, it appears as a simple stitch between two fields but as we approach the thick trees we can only just see the other side of the woods. It's not too far to get through and it only takes us about 5 minutes, jumping on branches and clearing thorn bushes until we appear out the other end.

As my foot steps onto the seemingly polished soil on the other side, the sun hits me. Not aggressively but soft, beating down as a source of heat and comfort instead of an uncomfortable glare. I stare at what I see in disbelief, after expecting just another field. I hear a gasp from Cass as she joins me in awe.

Before us is not just a field but a village, the obvious centre of it all, the train station was right in front of us, bustling in a good and friendly way. The sort of place people would greet total strangers with "Good afternoon" and a smile. The sort of place I had only read about. Neither of us had brought money, due to the fact that we were expecting a picnic at most, let alone a whole new world.

"Shall we eat?" Although It's not really a question as she already has the sandwiches out and stolen a bite from the fresh bread and cheese.

We sit and eat on the edge of Fieldley, which is what the village is called.
"I still don't feel like I know you." Cass states after a long silence.
"What do you mean?" I say, knowing full well what she means.
Well, all my other friends, we, we shared secrets, opened up to each other. But your not like that, you're different." She stutters.
"O, okay" I say not knowing how to take that.

-----On the way back-----

"Can I tell you something?" Says Cass, not having to break the silence for once.  We haven't stopped talking since we found our secret little Feildley, well, mostly her of course.
"Uh, huh" I say agreeing.

She takes a deep breath, looking nervous for the first time since I've met her.
"I'm gay" She looks down to the floor.
"OK" I reply trying to act cool, while screaming inside.
"Look, the reason why I'm telling you is..." She stops walking and I follow her lead. "I like you"

"Would, um you ever.. maybe like me too me?" She asks quietly, staring into my eyes. I look away quickly, I can't possibly be in a relationship. I haven't opened up to anyone since my dad left. My breathing starts to quicken as she begins to get more nervous.

We're not that far away from our houses and I panic.
"I can't, you, you wouldn't understand. Sorry." I say, taking off, running. She doesn't run after me. Would she ever forgive me, understand me. Tears start to roll down my cheeks as I run. 

When I get home, my week of refraining becomes none.