34B. |raylijah

50

"Elijah." Ray sighed as he opened the door, facing his former lover. He was successful in avoiding the man and coping with every emotion that came about but Elijah just couldn't let him be for too long.

Elijah didn't hesitate to crash his lips into Ray's, causing the two to stumble inside of the apartment. He kicked the door shut as he tugged the man closer, his hands tight around Rayan's waist. Rayan groaned before shoving him away—the action nearly made the two fall. "Don't do that again." He warned, wiping at his mouth. "Elijah, space is the best option for us right now. Lots and lots of it."

"I'm sorry," Elijah couldn't count how many times he'd said those words. "I was just...caught up in the moment." He didn't know why he'd kissed Rayan so suddenly. Trust was, he missed the man beyond words—everything reminded him of his boyfriend. He followed Rayan into the living room and gawked at what he saw.

A red light illuminated the small area so the tarp across the floor was visible. It was covered with paint supplies, ranging from brushes to charcoal and pencils—large canvases scattered across the floor. Elijah took the time to examine them; they were all portraits of him. The three large canvases contained different art styles: modernist, cubist, and expressionist. They were beautiful yet melancholic—Elijah didn't appear to be happy in any of them and the colors didn't help. The paintings mainly consisted of muted cool colors—many greys, blues and browns. "You painted me?" He thought aloud, glancing over at Rayan.

The man looked as if he hadn't slept in a long time. He wore a large pair of sweatpants with an equally large shirt whilst his hair looked like a mass of knots and tangles—Elijah usually did him the favor of detangling his hair so it didn't surprise him that the man began to neglect himself in his absence. He looked...sad. Similar to Elijah. "Yes," Rayan admitted, glancing down at his art pieces. "the best part about heartache is the paintings that reflect them." He murmured, brushing a stray piece of hair away from his eyes. "It's to remember you." The man admitted. He didn't exactly think about what he'd do with the paintings when he finished his project but he was sure he didn't want reminders of the way he currently felt. It just felt good to release it.

To shake off his thoughts, he played the television again. It wasn't exactly a show playing, he was simply listening to music. After hearing the intro to the song, he wanted to facepalm—this wouldn't help with the thick tension. "Do you plan on forgetting me?" Rayan didn't answer.

One More Love Song by Mac Demarco began to play.

"Is this it for you?" Elijah asked, his voice careful and quiet. "Do you want us to end here?" He'd understand if he did—he'd done a terrible thing after all.

"I...I don't know, Elijah." Rayan admitted. "I'm not giving up on us. I'm just healing; this shit is a lot to take in."

"I understand." He didn't know what else to say.

The two didn't fully understand the lyrics to 'their' song until now.

Another turn, another shift

One last kiss from her lips

"I just don't understand why you did it," Ray began to light a cigarette. Elijah tried to hide his look of distaste at the action—he hadn't seen him do that in a while. "What did Mike have that I didn't? And spare me if you're going to tell what you think I want to hear."

Elijah took a deep breath as he attempted to figure out his words. "I wish I had the right answer for you," He sighed. "I just didn't have friends outside of you and Jake. When we were going through our shit, I felt alone and pushed away but Mike...he was comforting, I guess." Elijah attempted to explain.

Set it up, just to watch it fall apart

Another try, another go

Rayan didn't respond as he took another drag. "As stupid and cliché as it sounds, I didn't realize how much you meant to me until now, when it feels like I don't have you anymore. I can't see anyone after you, Ray. You introduced me to a new feeling—something I haven't felt before and it scared me at first but I'm ready to embrace it now. I'm ready to embrace Syn, your disability, you and everything you come with. I realize I can't fix everyone but I'll never stop trying to fix this. Us."

"Elijah," His breath was shaky now as he put out the cigarette. "When I met you, I instantly liked you. I didn't know why but I wanted to know you, truly know you. My rough energy shielded all of the good in me for so fucking long and I wanted to change. I wanted to love you." Elijah neared him, watching as the man's eyebrows furrowed together. Rayan embraced him, not hesitating to nuzzle into the crook of the man's neck. "It's going to be awhile before I trust you again, I hope you understand."

"I understand, Rayan. I love you. I'll wait."

After all this time, it turns out all you found

Is one more love out to break your heart

a/n:
shitty ending i know! but keep in mind this is a series guys so it's another book coming ;-;