Excerpts Of a Sad Girl

"Maybe"

"Why can't you tell me, huh?" He stormed angrily toward me. "Why's it so big of a secret?"
I narrowed my eyes at him and started to stalk off. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks and whirled around, turning to face him.
"Fine!" I shouted. "It's you! I think I'm starting to fall for you and I have no support beams! I'm falling and I'm on my own, I have no one to turn to. I see you in my dreams, I think of you nonstop, but want to know the real reason I think I'm falling for you?" I paused, tears filling my eyes. "It's when he would text me, I would get worried and scared... But... When you text me, I smile, I get happy, and it hit me - it's you. Is it you? Are you the one?" I stared at him, running my fingers through my hair. My breathing grew heavy and I closed my eyes tightly shut. "Want to know how else I knew? I went back. I went back and read the conversations we had, when you made me smile through the tears that he caused me. You fixed everything with a few simple words. You listened to me even when I would ramble on for hours. You were there for me when I struggled, and when I didn't. You would tell me how you'd been hurt, and I could relate. I wanted to help but now I want to be the one to help. Does that even make sense?" I ranted, a single tear slipping down my cheek. I whispered, "I want to fix you and mend that heart that has been broken over and over. At first I thought it was because I knew how it felt. But now it's totally different. It's because I don't want to see you sad, I want to make you smile and laugh. I..."
The whole time, he just stood there, his hands in his jeans pocket, watching me as I stumbled over words and laid my soul out for him to see.
By this time, tears were streaming down my cheeks and my voice was cracking. "I... I want to be that person. The one who can make you feel as if you can do anything. I want... You. My friend told me that I can't be with you... She said you're not right for me. I don't care what she thinks, though, she just doesn't want me to be with someone who she thinks is "lower" than us. It's very frustrating and shallow. I just... I don't care about that stuff." I looked down at my hands, clasped together tightly. "I care about YOU. I didn't think I would feel this way... But I do. I don't know what's wrong with me!!!" I looked up at him, my face red and blotchy, my breathing shallow. "Maybe it's the way you touched me that night, when I was laying in the dark, crying, and I didn't know who to turn to. You touched my heart in the most gentle way, I felt I could trust you." I took a deep breath, gazing out towards the ocean. "You're different than I thought you were. I expected something else but the way you responded to my pain was... Well, it was a surprise. A nice surprise, though. You didn't just brush it off and ignore my tears. You consoled me. You helped me when I was down. You've made me laugh, made me smile, made me roll my eyes more than once," I said, chuckling to myself. Then I grew serious once again. "I've always dreamed of having this "perfect relationship". There have been two ideal relationships in my mind - the first is romantic. Like, this totally cheesy Hollywood style romance. The second is where everything is simple. Doing silly stuff together, simple stuff. Staying at home, playing video games or watching movies together. Going out for walks along the beach, visiting arcades and going for late night drives together. Honestly, can't be more opposite, right? Red roses verses video games. But to be truthful, they can fit hand in hand. I'm confusing, I've realized this, I want something and then I want another. One thing I've always wanted, though - this has never changed - is someone who loves me, and who I love. I've seen many couples in love, but I have also seen many couples out of love. Even my own parents, their divorce ruined my image of boys. I search for love and I would take it from anyone. I'm trying so hard, though, I'm trying to become happy with me, because I will find the love I want when I am ready." I take a deep breath. "I think I'm ready. I don't want love from just anybody, I want things to work out between us. I want to find the love I have always dreamed of - don't you think we could find it, in each other?" I pressed on before he said anything. "I'm sorry. I really am. I never meant for this to happen. Frankly, I wish I hadn't fallen for you. In my experiences, falling means getting hurt. Being pushed down, no one to help me up. But... But you... You helped me up. Maybe... Maybe you could do it again?" I said, a question in my voice. "Maybe I won't need to crash and burn, maybe you can catch me before it's too late. Maybe-"
He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. "Maybe," he whispered, smirking as he smashed his lips against mine.
I pulled away from our kiss and whispered back, "maybe."