Death Eyes

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Weep not for roads untraveled. Weep not for past left lone...."

Linking Park-Roads Untraveled. One of my favorite songs, at least for now. My "favorites" changed almost every week. I guess that goes for everyone though. It was the same for her too... I smile.

"It's been 3 whole years idiot", I think to myself. "Get over her."

-Easy for u to say, I mumble a little too loud.

-Ah..are you referring to me sweetheart? The old lady in front of me asks, interrupting my thoughts. I remembered I was in the bus trying to reach the cinema

I take off one of my earplugs, so as to hear her better. Now you may ask me, why not take both off, or even why not just ignore her if you are not interested in talking to her right now? I wish I didn't have to answer to that, but just by looking above her head I could see the red numbers dancing in sync. I know she does not have much time left to live.

-Are you a boy or a girl now dear? She asks me.

Well just looking at me would be enough to understand but I guess she is old and unable to see clearly. I lift up my sleeves, since the question attracted people's attention from all around the bus and that made me uncomfortable and kind of awkward.

-I...I am a girl, I answered letting my short hair escape my messy bun, in order for her to see for herself.

-Oh my how pretty! She exclaims. I smile. I was always bad at expressing gratitude, so when people compliment me I have no idea how to react.

-Thank you.

-How old are you?

-19.... "I really don't want to talk to you right now lady!" My mind won't shut up. I wish I could just shut her off or something but I know I can't. She is already at her life limit. Of course by the looks of it she does not know. But I do. Me and everyone else that smiles fakely at her, help her stand or carry her bags.

She will die in 2 days. None of us know how or why. All we know is that the red numbers on top of our heads define our dying day. The bad thing is that no one can see their own numbers. Scientists have tried explaining the situation and ways of seeing our numbers but to no avail. So yeah I don't want to anger the old lady or even make her sad. She only has 2 days after all.

I could just tell her of course. This idiotic "not telling" rule the global government has decided upon was not going to stop me. Not any other rule for that matter. But I know this would sadden the old lady. It would make her cry and I would have to watch her eyes.... Full of despair... Full of anger....desperately trying to hold on to life....."STOP IT!" I say to myself as I inhale sharply.

-So how many kids do you want to have? The lady suddenly asks me.

-I... I've never thought about it. I answer shocked. I don't think I ever will have kids, I politely add.

-Nonsense, she spouts. Every girl needs to have babies. That is why you were born after all.

Anger fills my very soul at the sound of these words. I hold my tongue though. "She is old... Let her be", I think as I smile again and let her continue lecturing me about what girls should and should not do.

I honestly cannot remember the last time I genuinely smiled. Even when SHE was around I always knew that my fake smiles weren't deceiving her. SHE was smart... SHE was fierce, sweet, caring... dead. I stop as my mind gets stuck on the last word. "Yeah she is dead... dead as it gets...as dead as the corpse in my back garden... Rotting 6 feet under the earth as I hope is his very soul. Too bad I only got the chance to kill him once..."

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bust stopping. I get up, wave politely at the old lady and get off the bus. I head to the train tired. My house was far away from my destination. I had to use both the train and a bus to get there. Today me and a bunch of other people were going to see "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" on the movie theatre. It was the 4th day after the big premiere but the place was sure to be crowded...

I love Star Wars. Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a jedi or a sith or...strong. Strong enough to protect what I love and care about. But well... as we all know too well, reality strikes dreamers hard. And I was more than a dreamer. I was a liar... And a good one I tell you. I was able to deceive myself to the point I did not know what was true anymore.

I get on the train and start counting the minutes till I get to the cinema. When my mind gets too dark it helps if I focus on things that lay on plain sight, like shoes, hands, bags... anything but those red numbers. I look at small things like those and get a pretty good idea about their owners. Now this man does not wear a wedding ring but the skin tone on his finger differs and shapes a light pink ring. I narrow down the possibilities of this "absence". He may be divorced, a widow, tired of wearing it or off to see another woman.

I don't have time to give it much thought since the cinema can be seen outside my window. It is 6:00 and the movie begins at 6:30 so I don't have to hurry to the second floor. Either way I get up there and simply wait. I don't really know why I am so nervous. Probably because I am excited about the movie. Or maybe I am anxious about a nerd saying something stupid and ruining this for me, since people ruin everything.

I was positive about my last statement and I knew deep down that this was the reason I was so nervous. Being close to people. Being an introvert form birth I didn't have many friends. When I grew older, and realized this was not an option (since the people who talk to you more than once consider themselves your "friend"), I got many "friends" and started hanging out with them. But they fucked me up. They fucked me up hard, making me unable to trust anyone anymore. Not even myself. So I cut my ties with everyone. And got shut in my house. You could say I was a hermit since the only reason I interacted with people was either to buy food or pay bills. Yes I paid my own bills. I was actually living alone. My parents and all my relatives have moved to a foreign country. At least this is what I told people that cared enough to ask. Truth is they have all disowned me...a queer child. But I did not much care. Not even to find out the reason behind it. They were horrible and abusive anyway.

My thoughts were once again interrupted by the main Star Wars music theme, piercing my ears. I got goose bumps. "I sure love star wars", I muttered to no one in particular. The movie has captivated me, making me forget all about my past, my dark thoughts and reality itself.