I lay in my bed, listening to the pitter-patter of the rain on my window. I can't sleep like usual. I look over and the clock reads 1:30. I just lay there and reflect over everything that has happened including the last 24 hours. I just can't believe that that couple wanted me to go with them. Back to Magnum Terram, now that is truly my worst nightmare.
Suddenly I hear a knocking and immediately bolt up. The knocking wasn't very loud and it was definitely not coming from my front door. I slowly get up, trying not to make any noise. I get down close to the floor and crawl to my window. I peak out and look down. I gasp as a smiling Jobae waves at me. I immediately withdraw from the window and lay flat on the floor. That can't really be him, can it? I slowly rise back up and peak out again and there is no one there. I just must have been hallucinating. It is a possibility since I have been very sleep deprived lately.
But then I hear another noise, a wheezy kind of noise coming from the living room. What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I go out and see what it is? I very carefully stand up and glance out the window one more time just to make sure that Jobae isn't still there.
I begin to walk in the direction of my bedroom door. I get there and feel the cold doorknob as I open it. The wheezing gets louder and I just get more and more worried. I continue to walk out to my living room.
When I get there, I fall to my knees and tears rush down my face. Fawn lays on the floor with blood all around her, clutching her abdomen, and gasping for air. Her eyes are filled with terror and she uses her other hand to reach out to me. She begins to mouth my name and I lose it. I cover my ears, close my eyes, and scream as loud as I can.
My eyes fly open and I jump up. I lay back in my bed drenched in a cold sweat. It was just a terrible nightmare. I should have known that by now since I have one almost every night.
I look up at my clock and see that it's actually 4:46 in the morning. I know I won't be able to go back to sleep now so I decide to go to the bathroom and get ready to take a shower.
I look in the mirror. Nothing seems right about who stares back. It doesn't seem like me. The bags under my eyes are much bigger than they used to be and my hair sticks up on one side. But I also see the worry and strain in my eyes. Someone who is existing but not actually there. I look down and trace multiple scars with my fingers. They're pretty faded now but you can definitely still see them.
I turn on the shower and make sure it's scolding hot cause that's the way I like it early in the cold morning.
I get in and let the water burn my skin. Not really burn but that's what it feels like. I let the water run down my head and face and just stand there with my back against the shower head. It's a soothing feeling letting the hot water run on my aching back. Relaxes the muscles.
Later I sit on my bed with my robe on and just sit. Just trying to live a normal life. But I can't. I can't live a normal life when my life's not normal. I repeat that in my head and question if that actually makes sense or not. Maybe I truly have gone insane.
I grab my phone and do what I always do, get on social media. But it's not the same anymore. I look at people now and see how happy everyone is. But they don't know the truth. The truth is that's it's a big nasty world and bad things happen.
I lay there on my phone for a pretty long time. I see that it is now 6:13. I decide to put my phone down and go out to the living room.
When I get out there, I stare at the spot where Fawn was in my dream last night, and I cringe.
I just walk past it hoping that I will forget about it.
I do what I do best. Sit snd watch tv. And now I can relate more because I've been through tragic stuff just like everyone in tv shows go through. I love to just stare at the screen and take in every moment that happens. Binging and binging and binging.
