Life & Feelings

All about me

*Courtney POV*

So I had my baby with Kayla...Ik y'all like Wtf...bu she texted me one day n was like can we talk n I said sure n she apologized n stuff n she was like can we be friends so I said sure...n after that we been talking. Ion got feelings fa her n neither do I see myself with her we jus call each other Pookie because we got a close bond n she is the mother of my son...now I've been talking too this girl Reuntae for awhile bu ion have feelings fa ha n I can't see myself with her...honestly I jus see ha as a fuck buddy n das all bu at the same time she don't knoe dat n yeah I flirt with ha n call her baby,bae etc. Bu ion mean nun of the shit💯...idk why bu after lulani I jus lost it fa females...like i can't see myself with anybody n all I want is a fuck buddy n das it...like ion never felt this way...if a female was too say she love me I would laugh in ha face💯 cuz ion believe in it nomo its like I'm cold hearted now...n ion give af about ppl feelings...I'm Lowkey starting too distance myself from ppl...even my closes friends (deavion,Dee) idk why bu I'm jus not feeling it no more...I'm focused on myself,My son, and Work..Thas my main things. Me & Mariah talked not too long ago she told me dat her n ha bf broke up n fa some reason I was still in love with her so I gave her a long paragraph & after I sent it I went too sleep n when I woke up she was sayin dat she felt the same way bu her & Aaron back together😔...it hurted me like hell...I jus sat dere starring at the message then I texted back n said I'm happy fa yall...bu I was lying then she was like no man I'm not..cuz now its like I'm stuck n we talked about it then she asked if I'm okay I told ha yeah bu I was lying cuz I couldn't think straight the only thing I was thinking of was "Not again... Wtf Courtney... Every time u pour ur heart out too a damn female the shit never goes right... U fucking dumb ass...you should jus cry" n das what I did then I started thinking more n more n the harder I cried...I started too think about lulani n das when I lost it..I started turning red I was now hyperventilating n I was punching everything in sight then I broke down n fell on my knees n started too cry...I let everything go....all the tears I was holding in I jus let them all flow out... After that I told myself dat "Aint no bitch,female, girl,women etc. Is gonna love you... U gotta foucs on urself...fuck relationships cuz dey never come true...n jus worry about you...no more feelings,no more love,no more heart" n with that I changed...I called Kayla told ha I want a child n das when I had my son...I love him so fucking much❤...now I'm jus Layin in bed texting reuntae n she being all lovey dovey n I'm not feeling it...bu I'm jus doing it too keep ha happy💯...cuz I'm so serious after Mariah & Lulani relationships is the last thing on my mind...ain't nobody gone be down forevea... Shid if ya ask me Forevea ain't real💯...momma always said it bu I played it off each time n now the truth hits me n I understand...Relationships ain't real,love damn sure not real😂💯, n feelings?...well shid u can forget about it cuz its damn sure not real😂💯...ain't nothing real anymore...cuz if love was real..when she said she "love me" then she would've tried n looked passed ha issues so we can work it out💯...bu nahh jus gotta go ahead n end it...some times I think like damn I be giving these females my all n be loyal too them bu all dey can do is she past it n jus wanna hurt a nigga...😂its all koo tho💯...ion gotta worry about another Bitch,hoe, thot,slut, female,playful ass girl again... Because Love is bullshit💯💪.

•I jus wanted too get sum stuff off my chest on how I was feeling... Now I think I can go too sleep...I feel a lil betta..bu Goodnight readers😴...keep reading💋❤• (btw nobody take this offensive... Cuz Thas jus how I feel)