Sweet Sadistic Love (Larry Stylinson)

Happy lifes, dark secrets

HARRY'S P.O.V

July 28, 2010

Dear Journal,

I still haven't come up with a name for you yet, and I'm sorry for that, and I'm also sorry for not writing sooner; I have just been so busy lately, but I have something amazing to share with you. It starts out sad and depressing, but I swear it will get better just hear me out okay? Well, it all started after my catagory had an elimination game yesterday to see who would go home and who would stay. We had to prepare a song for the judges and compete against another person in our cataogry, which wasn't that exciting because I had to go against Liam. He has an amazing voice, so obviously I was worried. Me and Liam prepared the song Say by Jhon Mayer, his voice went really well with mine, I was surprised actually. I thought he would be so much better, but then I heard our voices together and I knew I was wrong. Liam's soul voice mixed with my deep one and it sounded so much better than I had expected, he was so excited about it too. He kept saying "I know you will make it Harry!" and "That was great! lets do it again to be sure". He kept smiling and encouarging me, I swear that boy is a walking generosity beam. After we performed it for the judges I began to become incredibly nervous, I started to doubt everything that we had worked hard for. I knew Liam did amazing but I couldn't help but think that I did terrible. I knew way down inside that I didn't, but the nerves kept invading that part of me and taking over. Everyone had finished and my nerves began to take full effect; my legs were shaking, my heart was beating practically right out of my chest, and my stomach was in knots.

The judges slowly called out the select few that would move on, I wasn't one of them. Neither was Louis, Liam, Zayn, or Niall. I felt terrible and broken on the inside; I kept trying not to cry, but my ambitions didn't work. My eyes became waterfalls and my cheeks became their sanctuary. My head was buzzing and my hands were shaking, I was so close yet so far away from my hopes and dreams. They had been crushed, not by words, but the words that were never spoken. I sat down in the waiting room for about thirty minutes then some guy with dark brown hair and denim jeans came out and called some names for a call back. I felt so sure that my name wasn't going to be called, but it was. My tears became happy ones and my heart started to flutter. My hopes and dreams were not crushed, my stomach turned into butterflies and my life was turned around. This moment, this life, this world had changed.

I walked out on the stage and I saw Louis. He looked at me with bright eyes and smiled, I felt so ecstatic knowing that he would be staying longer too. Zayn, Liam, and Niall stood on the stage as well, I smiled at them and wished the boys luck in my silent prayers. Suddenly Simon's voice spoke and my heart began to beat louder than it ever has before.

*FLASHBACK*

I stand, waiting for the news that played beyond my knowledge. The bright light shone on my face, reflecting off my previous tears of both sadness and joy. I looked over at Louis once more and caught him staring at me, he blushed, turned back to the ground and smiled. His smile is so heart warming and beautiful, it makes my mind burst into a million little reasons why his smile is perfect. I was suddenly brought back to reality when Simon's voice spoke into the microphone.

"Boys, you have all been brought back here for one reason" He coughed and started to speak again.

"We have all agreed that your voices are too great to let go of, we feel that you all have a future in this so we decided to do something extravagant." Simon smiled and waited a few seconds before speaking once again. His actions making me more curious by the second.

"We have decided to put you boys together as a band" In that moment I swear my world had stopped and started again.

My heart was pounding and my immediate response was to run to Louis and hug the shit out of him. My arms wrapped firmly around Louis and I swung him around, repeatedly saying "You did it Lou, we did it". He kept murmering back "I knows" and "Oh my gods". His smile had doubled in size as well as my heart. I set Louis down and he clinged onto me like I was his gravity center and everything else was going to float away. He muzzled his head into my neck and whispered "I knew you would end up somewhere amazing curly", I know he meant competition wise but in my eyes, that somewhere amazing was in his arms.

I hugged the other boys and I knew deep down in my heart that this was the beginning of something extravagant, just like Simon had said.

*FLASHBACK OVER*

After the boys and I got settled into our hotel room we talked and talked about everything and nothing. We discussed what our band name should be and I finally came up with one that I think we are going to end up using. I came up with the name One Direction because are moving in one direction, forwards, higher, and closer to our dreams of being famous artists and making a difference in this broken world.

For the rest of the night we conversed and played twenty questions so we could get to know more about eachother. I learned that Liam was bullied as a kid; that makes me really sad and remorseful towards the poor boy. I know what its like to be pushed around by others and feeling like there's no good in life, but I can tell you about that some other time. I also learned that Zayn really loves to draw cartoons and other animate objects, Niall plays the guitar and has and older brother named Greg, and Louis has four younger sisters. I learned other things as well, but I don't want to sound like the freak who rememebers every single detail about everyone they meet. Anyways, I told them that I was from Cheshire and I used to work in a bakery, I'm pretty sure they knew most of the things I told them, but that's fine; I'm not much of an interesting person anyways.

Right now its 2:16am and I am tired as fuck, but all I really want to do is cuddle with Louis. His body is small and warm-perfect for cuddling. His fringe would tickle my bare chest and his fingers would draw cirlces on my sides, making my body tingle; his legs would tangle with mine and his warmth would keep me cozy and comfortable. My lips would be at his forehead, leaving small kisses on it; occasionally kissing his nose and forever breathing in his lemony scent. God I'm whipped, he will definitely be the death of me.

His lips are soft looking, so pink and plump, it will take an army to keep me away from kissing this god that sleeps right across from me. I'm looking at him right now, occasionally glancing up from this journal to see him sleeping soundly on the bed covered in a white duvet. His skin, so soft, his eye lashes so lushes and long, how can I resist someone as perfect as Louis? How do I resist pink lips, soft hands, sweet smile, round bum, and soft fringe?

This scares me sometimes because I know Louis isn't gay, and he could never fantasize about me like I do about him. It scares me that I won't ever be able to hold his hand or kiss his lips just once because Louis isn't me. He doesn't like guys that way, he doesn't think of me that way, he doesn't feel that way. I just hope I don't fall back into old habits like last time, but if I do I'm not sure what I will do this time because Gemma is off at college and my mom is at home. I won't have anyone to talk to and I will fall deeper into a hole that I created myself, killing my own soul.

That is what I'm afraid of, killing my own soul, breaking it to the point where it can't be fixed. But I think I will be able to hold on because Louis is my anchor, keeping me grounded to the last strand of happiness and hope in my heart.

I'm sorry for telling you these dark secrets but I think its a good thing.

Well, goodbye for now.

Love, Harry