Nicotine Addiction and Other Such Things

lydia (confessional)

I don't know why it is so hard to let you go. It's been more than a year since you let me go. Since you broke my heart but I still can't let you go.

I keep thinking that I will be able to let go eventually but it's been too fucking long.

Am I forever supposed to be stuck in this halfway land? Because even though our time didn't mean anything to you, it meant more to me than you could possibly imagine.

It's so hard to think that you just shrugged it off as a frivolous affair that lasted longer than it should've. I know you want us to be friends but don't you think that's selfish on your part? I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep holding on to the way you used to make me feel anymore. More than that, I think I just don't want to accept the fact that I was so monumentally wrong to think that it would last.

Or that you would love me.

So I guess I'm holding on because I don't want to be wrong. Not because I love you anymore.

Because I don't.

You came into my life like a wave that left an unbelievable destruction in its wake.

And I've been picking up the pieces for so long, it's almost like I break even more while I try to repair myself.

So this process is never ending but it will end someday.

I'm sure of it.

Because I was sure we were never going to end but we did.

And this will too.

And since this will end too, do you want to start over?

On the friendship part that is, because I will never let myself love you like that again.

So let's throw this cassette out. Cassette of our 'love'. This one which has worn out because of how many times we've tried hitting pause and stop and rewind on it.

Let's put another cassette tape in the music player that is our relationship and start making new songs.

Ones which are about everlasting friendship and not heartbreaking love stories.