This Unknown Atmosphere

Myself

I look at myself and think "I need to get better"

And I try, I try so hard but nothing is working

No one knows about my sadness just yet

I feel weak when I talk about it

I'm also afraid

Afraid of being called an attention seeker

I don't want to be forgotten or betrayed either

I look at myself and think, "how could anyone love me?"

I have someone who fell in love with me before I could fall for them

I fell in love with their talent before they could fall in love with mine

Glad I did fall for them because they're one of the only 6 people I can trust

Those 6 people are like family to me

Four of them know each other

Then the other two just never met them before

I don't want them meeting one another

I look at myself and wonder how the hell I'm living

I'm living because I am doing it for one person

She's taught me so many things,

She painted my world with color instead of with black and white because she wanted me to see the colorful things in the world

She didn't want me being hard on myself

But she's hard on herself

I wonder how it could be fair,

Her world is in black and white while mine is in color

But the colors are fading

I will do everything I can to paint her world in color

Even if it means to take my color away in order to put it in her dull world

I look at myself and remember what I was told recently

I was told I have a messed up but beautiful mind

I was told I've only been on this planet for almost 13 years so they aren't sure if this depression is gonna get worse or better

I was told that I will overcome my depression

Here I am, thinking about myself and how I'm gonna be starting meds soon

My mother told me it'll get better

Maybe it will

Maybe the meds will help

I look at my unknown future

If I have a child

I will tell them that this world is full horrible things

But I'll say there's some good things  in the world,

But only if you keep the universe in your hands

Because everyone has their own universe in their hands