Silent as my screams

Better

Free I may be
From your never ending clutch
But free i shall never be from your loving stroke of hand

These pills keep your touch away
But the memories oh my yes they stay

These scars are evidence to attest to the reasoning of 4 times a day

But the score on the door says i need you here with me

To the books they say eh look at that madame you are better now

But why if I'm better do i feel like I'm living someone else's reality
Better
Better
Better
I bet her
I bet her
I bet her mind is so lost and locked that the broken pill shaped keys seem like blood soaked gold to her

Blood gold
Blood diamond
Blood water

We all have a pill we swallow to keep us from the harshness of reality why must mine be so hard to keep down

Why must i feel the ever pressing need to gag and spit till my lip has split with blood as stomach acid rots my teeth in the name of truth and a reality I am more accustom to
Why
Why
Why
Why must i see the distortions in the mirror with societies view of ideal beauty

I am not what a diagnosis on a page says i am but i am also a slave to the words that describe my condition

How
How
How
How am i better when i see no resemblance in my mental flow of thought
Is it good i am now a different person entirely or bad that i find it hard to see
See
See
See
I see the way you look at me am i nothing more than the pills i forgot to take this morning or the two i threw up last night because low size is high prize right?
Right?
Right?
Right?
Right away you say im doing so much better
Better
Better
Better
What a stupid thing to be all the annoying habits
And then
Oh then
Deary me
To have those habits go away?
My dear my wonderful startling beautiful dear
How better that is now that we dont need to worry or ask about the blood on your wrist
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay bettterrrrrrrr

-M.M