Silent as my screams

Dear you,

Sometimes I hear your fantom voice. I wish I hadn't had to burry you in order to hear the others. It just- it got to the point where if I had let you stay I, well they say it would have been bad.

I miss our witty banter so calming like sunburn and smooth like bark. You just have to understand why it's there to appreciate it. I miss you, I really do. But if stop that stream, you'll wake up and dig your way out.

I don't think I can handle you all at once again.

Once I saw your true colors there was no going back, it took years to let you in the first time. Even then I can't remember a day you weren't there. Then again that was your favorite trick wasn't it? Manipulating my memories into only the way you wanted them seen.

I wonder how far we would've gone, if I hadn't stopped and realized I had a family and I would never let you corrupt them, perhaps I'd actually have gotten proper treatment. Maybe then I wouldn't miss you.

For fuck sake though, you made me so smart with everything but the way I saw myself, I wonder if I could ever do that on my own.

I'm making sure the stream is strong enough in a couple days. If I haven't freed you by then this may be the last letter until ... well if the stream runs strong ... I may not have to write you again.

All the best,

-M.M.

P.S. Depression, do stop clawing would you?