BLUE DOTS • PHAN

45

said it so many times, please don't hate me after this
if you didn't know, when there is a blue dot showing in the snapchat chat, the other person is writing
btw, don't hate me after this
i like this tho
just don't hate me

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phil runs over to the familiar car, seeing pj sitting in the front. he smiles weakly at pj as he closes the door, throwing his bag in the back before putting his seatbelt on. pj starts driving as phil pulls out his phone, staring at the icon of the new app he downloaded that he has fallen in love with.

"what is that, mate?"

"wattpad, it's amazing."

phil's gaze moves over to the other familiar icon, seeing the yellow icon with a white ghost in it saying that there are 9+ snaps received. he clicks it, soon seeing his feet in front of him. he nervously clicks the chat bubble in the down left corner, seing danisnotonfire being on top.

"have you talked to dan at all, peej?"

"only a little, i told him where you were and a little about what happened. why?"

"just wondering,"

phil mumbles, swiping nervously to see several messages. he is amazed by how he is still trying to keep contact with him, and forever thankful he didn't do anything stupid to himself. he starts writing, but is stopped by a blue dot appearing in the left corner on top of the keyboard.

TODAY

danisnotonfire
omgomgomgomgomg

danisnotonfire
yOU ARE WRITING

danisnotonfire
you are freaking writing, it has to be you, your password is as long as the freaking bible

danisnotonfire
you have no idea how happy i am

danisnotonfire
just, thank you

danisnotonfire
i love blue dots from now on

amazingphil
'i love blue dots from now on'. that's quite possibly the most lovely thing you or anyone else has ever said to me

danisnotonfire
of course, the blue dot symbolises you actually being able to write, and that you are staying safe! i want you to be safe, and to be okay

[ start of mid a/n

this is inspired by something that actually happened, wowsie,
end of mid a/n ]

amazingphil
but dan, listen

danisnotonfire
ik everything, pj told me

danisnotonfire
but just listen, okay?

danisnotonfire 
it's your choice, you can leave or stay. i would of have loved to join you phil, but it's your choice. i know it's complicated, and that it's a tough thing to do, but i am not going to be angry if you leave without me, i understand if you do that

amazingphil
can you promise me to not hurt yourself whilst i am gone?

danisnotonfire
i will, i am 20 years old, i'll do as everyone else and get my own life. my dad may not be interested to help and god knows how i'll contact him or if i want to anyway, but i'll get a job and work for my money

amazingphil
so, this is goodbye?

danisnotonfire
for now

danisnotonfire
remember, i am proud of you. don't be afraid of your sexuality, we'll be openly gay together, but not together

amazingphil
we'll live with pride

danisnotonfire
remember, blue dots

amazingphil
i'll remember if you promise to remember me. you know, i still haven't taken you out on that date

danisnotonfire
oh boy, i can't wait

amazingphil
good luck, dan

danisnotonfire
good luck, phil. i love you

danisnotonfire
by the way, snapchat will be deleted from my phone for a while after this. can't live with the past haunting me like this

danisnotonfire
goodbye

opened 2m ago

phil sheds a few tears, it is actually over. of course, if they are lucky, they will find each other again. but who is that lucky? phil knows he should of have asked him to come, but dan had a plan for his life. phil doesn't, and he would only bring dan down with him.

"did you talk to dan?"

"yea, it's over pj."

"i'm so sorry to hear that, phil, i really am."

phil nods lightly as he brings up wattpad, trying to put his mind on something else. he uses it for whenever he is sad now, and he is thankful that he found it. he clicks on the notification saying that the author of his favourite book uploaded a new chapter, and that called "45". he reads through it slowly, gasping at the end.

"what is it, phil?"

"the author just ended the book, and like, with no authors note in the end, and that unexpectedly! i thought we had a lot of stuff coming, and then she surprises us with this? like, it isn't a final author note here yet either? she uploaded 2 hours ago, what is happening?"

"oh really? well, she sounds full of surprises!"

"yes, she indeed is. it better be a sequel, it can't end like this?"

"it probably is, no good authors leave the story completely unanswered. well i don't know what book you are reading, so maybe it's meant to be like that? where are you reading it?"

"wattpad,"

"oh, the one you mentioned earlier?"

"mhm," phil mumbles as he reads through the chapter one more time. he has so many questions, this day has all been a mystery. is it all ending today, his favourite book and the most important thing, everything he has with dan? "wait, have you even planned anything, pj?"

"yes, and it'll be one fun ride."

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