Obsession

chapter 4: the bastard

I brought him up to my room so none of the kids would be a bother or hang on him. Thankfully my room was somewhat clean from days earlier. But still it was a bit to messy for company, i thought.

"Sorry about the mess." I said as i began picking up the peices of clothes on the floor and throwing them in my dresser. "I don't even have any visitors." I confessed.

"It's okay." He said sitting down on the bed. I did so to after all the clothes had been put away.

He kept staring at my face and I wished it was not all bruised and purple. "Sorry I never told you. I. I was just embarrassed."

"Hey it's okay." He said. "I understand." His British accent was beautiful after not hearing it for some time.

I shook my head not knowing what to say now. I felt odd. But i was glad he was here and i could see him.

"The guys are gonna be coming to my place tomorrow night. You should come to."

"I...don't know."

"Common it'll be fun. I'll help you cover for your eye." He said smiling so innocent.

"Um. I guess if i can get out."

"Then its a date, ha ha ha." He said joking and laughing. It almost broke my heart.

We started talking about the past few days and what we'd (more they'd) been doing. And what cds they had all gotten from the shop earleir in the week.

Time flew by as we sat up there talking and i never realized how fast till i heard our front door slamming shut. I jumped up from my bed.

"Damn it."

"What?" Tracer asked frowning.

"My mom. She's back. You can't be here. Fuck. I wasn't even paying attention to the time."

"Will she really get that mad if im here?"

I sighed. "Yeah. She hates it when we bring people into this house. Especially if she doesn't know about it"

"Maybe I could sneak out someway?" Tracer asked.

"Well i-"

I was cut short by my mother yelling up the stairs. "Aaron you better get your ass down here right now! And bring your friends along as well!"

"Oh fuck. One of the kids must have told her you were here."

"So um, now what?"

"Your going to leave. When we get down there your just going to walk out the front door and leave."

"But-"

"No. You have to. Please."

Tracer sat thinking, then sighed. "Okay. But be sure to tell her i just showed up."

"Yeah, okay i will." I said standing up and Tracer following behind.

"Who the fuck is this?" My mother asked getting all up in my face the moment we reached the bottom of the steps. "Did i say you could have anyone over?"

"N-no." I said standing there Tracer had stopped as well. I wished so badly he was not here. "He just dropped by to see how I've been cause my phone hasn't had minutes so i havent been able to txt."

"So you just invited him in? Without permission?"

"He wanted to spend time with his boyfriend." Maya suddenly blurted out behind my mother teasingly.

"Maya shut up." My mother said angrily. "I dont need you giving nonsense when I'm trying to talk sense to him."

"Well its true." I was about ready to die.

"Maya! He is a boy. He does not have a fucking boyfriend!" My mother yelled.

"B-b-but he's. He's gay." Maya said scared that she might get punished. "I. I read it in his journal." The brat.

I froze. Tracer fround. And my mother looked disgusted. "Is that true?" She asked. I only looked down at my feet. "You disgust me." She spat. "And as for you," she pionted at Tracer, "get out of my house." Tracer left immediately probably scared she would beat him if he didn't.

Then my mom walked up to me. "And you call me a whore you little bastard." Then came the slap on the face and what usually comes after.
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After my mom had beat me again i locked myself in my room.

I was so sore. My body bruised and aching. But i couldn't sleep tonight. My thoughts were to busy racing.

I knew i was a worthless peice of shit and my mother made sure to remind me whenever she could. I hated myself for being who i was. Why couldn't i just be normal. I tried but it never worked. My heart was so down in the dumps and i just wished to die. I thought about it. Just killing myself. The world would be better off without me. I dought anyone would miss me now. They most likely all knew. And who knows what Tristan would think of me now that he knows.

My eyes began to tear up and i couldn't stop crying. I was such a baby. But i just hated my life so much. I didn't want to feel this anymore. So i pulled out my blade. I hadn't used it in a long time, But i had stashed it in the back corner of my dresser. I sat on my floor staring at it for the longest of time. I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I was just so empty inside.

So i took the blade and began cutting away and little red lines started bleeding all up my arm. Then i sat there for hours feeling completely hopeless and alone.
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Lucky for me the weather had cooled down and it was not to hot wearing long sleeves and black skinny jeans.

My mom had been gone when i got up the next morning i was glad to because i woke up at around 10:30. My entire body felt sore from the beaying i took and it was hard enough trying to pull myself out of bed.

When downstairs i didn't say a word to anyone. Especially Maya. I dispised her at the moment. How could she have done that to me. Why? Did she do it to me. I practically toom care of them all and bought food which was hard enough having a job that paid little.

My life was screwed and i was pretty sure everyone here that knew what the word gay meant hated me. Which would be about four people. The two youngest didn't understand...yet.

I started making some breakfast for myself though i didn'tsee the piont. I was not hungry at all. Then the phone rang. It was Tracer.