Lessons (A Phanfiction)

Chapter Four

Dan laid in bed late that night, worrying over Phil, if he was okay, if he smiled like that to everyone, if he loved Dan the way Dan had come to love him. So, to put it simply, Dan just wondered about Phil throughout the night. Dan the remembered the way Phil looked at him. Phil had never looked at Jake, or Aiden, or Tyler, or anyone the way he looked at Dan. A part of Dan celebrated at the thought. He had memorized the way Phil's eyes seem so unguarded, so fragile when he looked at Dan. The way his pupils dilated, and how they sparkled.

But another part of Dan said that he was an idiot for thinking Phil could ever look at Dan as anything but another person. Why would Dan kid himself? Phil would never love him. Phil would only ever see a best friend, he could never see Dan as anything more. He would never want Dan the way Dan wanted him. Dan couldn't really blame Phil either. Dan was extremely tall and awkward. His hair made him look like a hobbit when it wasn't straightened, and his voice was annoyingly posh because of Dan's love for Winnie the Pooh as a child. Dan was awkward and possessive. He got jealous too easily, and loved a little too much. He had a broken side to him that Phil had never really seen. Dan wondered if Phil even really knew Dan for who he was. Dan had opened up to Phil, and told him stories for hours at a time. But did Phil really listen, did he really care?

Dan didn't realize he had cried himself to sleep that night with thought of Phil loving another, with thoughts of Dan's mum, with thoughts of never being good enough. He had long, weird dreams. Dreams of Phil, of holding him. He dreamed Phil kissed him before Phil left for somewhere.

Dan jumped as he heard a soft, sweet voice in his ear. "Bear? Danny Bear, wake up, it's time for lessons. It's our last lesson together before I live for the US." Phil's voice sang softly. He blue eyes looked down worryingly at Dan's face. Phil knew that Dan hadn't gotten much sleep, and he could tell Dan had cried at some point. As Dan sat up, a weak smile on his face as he looked at Phil. Phil leaned over and gave Dan a tight, warm hug. "What's wrong Bear? Did you have bad dreams?" Phil asked as he took in Dan. Just Dan as a whole. The way Dan's shoulders felt without a shirt on, and the way his stiff muscles felt as the stretched to hug Phil back. The extreme warmth of Dan's tired body, to the way his hair curled in the most beautiful way. He loved Dan's natural hair, and wished that he would leave it curly more often. Dan had taken a minute before he nodded into Phil's neck as an answer to his question. But Phil didn't let go yet. He sighed, his chest rising and falling against Dan's. While doing this, he also took in Dan's scent. It was sweet, and smelled like a mix between honey, golden syrup, and dark chocolate, as well as a dash of cinnamon, just so it was too sweet. Phil took a minute, and imagined being able to wake Dan up like this every morning, but he knew he needed to wait until he got back.

Dan was a bit sad when he felt Phil softly pull back after their long, beautiful hug. He had taken the time to take in Phil's scent. It was a bit bitter. It was like fresh roasted coffee and freshly washed clothes. It was lovely, and Dan could take in the bitter scent for his whole life. But alas, it had to end. Dan looked into Phil's eyes, and smiled, wanting nothing more then to lean in and kiss the boy in front of him, but with great strength, managed to stop himself. Dan ran a hand through his hair, as he moved and pushed himself out of bed. He was wearing nothing but a pair od red boxers, but he didn't care much. Phil had woken him up before, and had seen him in his boxers, so it didn't bother Dan to be exposed anymore. Dan grabbed a pair of his skinny jeans and tugged them on, yawning as his wiggled his way into the jeans a buttoned them. He pulled a random shirt out of his closet an pulled it on, not realizing it was his long-sleeve wild-cats shirt from the movie High School Musical. He turned around to see Phil looking at him in the eyes. A sad, and even confused expression of his face before he snapped out of it.

Phil stood, gave a smile to Dan, and then began to walk to the music room, Dan easily keeping up with Phil's long strides. As they left Dan's room, they saw a sleepy looking Jake resting his head on Aiden's shoulder. Jake had been clinging on to Aiden's arm until he realized that the door was opening. Phil and Dan had both seen it, but decided to ignore it. After they were far enough away, Dan finally spoke up.

"Have you ever thought that Jake and Aiden may be...more then just friends?" Dan asked, looking to Phil. Phil looked to Dan and smiled.

"Dan, Martyn said that he was, like, 90% sure Jake was gay. He just never showed signs of being heterosexual. Aiden, well, I'm not sure about him. But he just seems so close with Jake that I wouldn't doubt it." Phil said looking into Dan's eyes before opening the doors to the music room. Dan made his way in first, and Phil followed as the made their way through the white and crimson room.

"Well, Aiden acted a lot like me. So he's probably bisexual." Dan commented as he sat on the piano's bench before realizing that Phil was sat on the couch.

"Jake's a lot like me too." Phil said, hoping to drop a subtle hint. "But, anyway, we have almost all day to practice. Plus, it's the last day we'll get to see each other before we say goodbye for a week. So, let's just relax for a moment." Phil said as he gestured for Dan to join him. With a soft smile, Dan made his way to the couch they sat on the first day they had met. Dan's heart raced, over-thinking what Phil had meant when he said he was like Jake. Was he trying to say that he was gay, or was he just mentioning it, or did he mean that Jake could very well be straight? What did he mean?

"So, have you been seeing anyone since you left Anabeth?" Dan asked casually.

"Not officially, but there's this person, and they mean a lot to me. I was thinking about telling them when I got back from vacation. But I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything right now." Phil said, a stressed look coming over his angelic and angular features.

"Wanna talk about it? You know you can tell me anything Philly." Dan said sweetly. He watched as Phil smiled and looked Dan in the eyes.

"I mean, it's just, producing is my dream job. I've always wanted to sign people, make them into big stars, be able to say I did something. But, I mean, now that I have the opportunity to chase my dream, I'm not so sure, ya know? Like, what about Tyler? He'd never be able to make it on his own, he can barely walk through the house at night alone. And Jake. I mean, he looks at me like a second father figure. He's always looked up to me, and even Aiden seems to be close with me. Not to mention, what about when Peej and Chris need relationship advice, their always arguing. Also, what about you Dan? I can't just leave you, I need you around. You are literally my closest friend, what am I supposed to do at one in the morning when I can't sleep? I won't be able to just say, I'm coming over. I'll be working all over the place. " Phil said, his eyes beginning to water. Dan heart broke a little at the sight of Phil. He genuinely seemed really torn over this. He was actually thinking about other people, when he should really think about himself. This was a big opportunity, and even if it broke Dan's heart at the thought of Phil leaving to work, he didn't want Phil to pass it up. This was Phil's dream.

Dan pulled Phil over so that Phil's whole body rested against Dan, and Dan began to absentmindedly play with Phil's hair in an attempt to comfort him. "Shush, it's okay to be selfish in this situation you know. It's your dream, you should take the chance." Dan mumbled, as he noticed Phil's ginger roots softly making an appearance. They were bright orange-red, and stuck out against the black. Dan's eyes studied Phil's hair as Phil whispered back, his voice soft and almost sleepy sounding.

"But Dan, the problem is that I'm too selfish. I don't want to let any of you guys go either, while at the same time chasing my dreams. I was them both, and I really am struggling with the thought of either leaving or letting my dream go." Phil whispered as he looked up from where his head was resting on Dan's chest, to look up at Dan's eyes. They were a different shade today. They were golden. Not brown gold, but bright solid gold. The color they were when Dan was at his most peaceful state of mind. Phil notice his eyes turned that color when they were close like this, or when Dan played piano. It was beautiful to see Dan like this, to see Dan at peace when he was around Phil. It made Phil feel like he was an amazing person, because Dan only had golden eyes if Phil was with him. Not one else Phil had spoken to about Dan said that they had seen Dan's eyes look golden. That they always look dull and bored.

Phil reluctantly pulled himself out of Dan grip and began to shake his hair out and fix his fringe. He knew he would have to dye his hair soon, even though he knew Dan wanted Phil to become a ginger again. Phil would be lying if he said he hadn't considered letting his natural hair grow in just because of Dan, but Phil preferred his black hair much more. Phil glanced up into Dan's eyes, seeing Dan just staring. Phil loved it when Dan stared. It made Phil feel loved. "But enough, let's make this the best last day before we're separated for a week." Phil said softly