everything I can't say out loud

the many things i cannot do

I could never form the right words.
and quite frankly there's many things I simply cannot bring myself to do.
I can't spell the word buisness right (pretty sure the s comes before the i).
I can't whistle, even though I try so desperately to.
I can't kill bugs because it makes me feel way too uneasy.
I can't wear crop tops in public because I get way too self conscious.
I can't sleep with my retainer in, even though I'm supposed to.
I can't take compliments from people because I fear that people are either lying or just trying to be nice.
I can't listen to certain songs without bawling my eyes out.
I can't drive past my grandma's old apartment without a lump forming deep in the back of my throat.
I can't look in the mirror without feeling utterly solemn.
I can't force myself into uncomfortable situations.
I can't resist telling my brother that snapbacks and tank tops don't make him look cool (but that I love him anyway).
I can't drink coffee without cream and sugar.
I can't watch action movies because they are always so predictable.
I can't put my hair in a messy bun without it taking an hour and a half.
I can't listen to music if one headphone isn't working.
I can't attract attention from boys no matter how hard I try to.
I can't wake up sometimes without wondering if today is going to be a great day or not, and sometimes I stay in the bed out of fear that it won't.
I can't write this without smiling uncontrollably.
I can't look at the night or morning sky, without blushing at its beauty.
I can't leave the house without my lip gloss.
I can't get out of bed right away. ever.
I can't live this life without you in it.
I can't not smile when I think about you.
I can't help but feel so safe when I'm with you.
I can't do it.
I could make an endless list of these many things that I cannot do.
but I know one thing that I absolutely can do.
I can love you.
and I will.
and I will never stop.
I promise.

-caroline grace

for Annie. I love you ❤️