Want Him, Can't Have Him.

What's Wrong?

The tour we were getting ready for was adding to the stress of realising I had feelings for Billie and, although I can wear a fake smile, I think my friends knew something was up. Jason was especially suspicious and wouldn't stop pestering me about it, but each time I shrugged it off, blaming my dull mood on headaches or tiredness. He was buying it for a while, but then he started suggesting that I should go to a doctor, so I had to tell him that I was just getting fed up being away from home and it was bringing me down.
He seemed to understand and would offer to talk to me about it, but I always smiled and said I was fine. That, of course, was a lie but I couldn't tell him that.

It had been almost three months since Mike and Billie had been together which meant that it was about that long that I'd been miserable. I hated not being able to hide it and having people come up and ask if I was okay... it wasn't something I was used to and it was getting tedious.
I just wanted to be left alone.

I had gotten bored of watching TV in the lounge and was sitting on the clean white sheets of my bed in my room. I wasn't doing much, just staring at my phone in the hopes that Billie might text me like he used to. It might be nothing at all, even just a smiley face, but at least it was something. He used to always do that, even while we were in the same room, but not anymore.
I exhaled loudly and dropped my phone on the mattress next to me. There was a gentle knock on my door and I jumped. "Yeah?"

"Tré, it's me. Open up?" Billie's voice came from the other side of the door.

My stomach tightened, "just coming."
I got up and let him in. He smiled as he walked past me uninvited.

"So this is where you're hiding."

"What do you mean?"

"One minute you're watching TV with us, the next minute you've disappeared. What you doing up here?"

"Oh, I just thought I'd have a shower." I lied and did my best to smile.

"Hmm..." he cocked an eyebrow, "you know I can tell when little Tré is sad," He spoke as if I were a baby, "What's the matter? Come tell me all about it." He pouted at me.
I shook my head in amusement. If only he knew...
"Seriously, though, what's up?"

"Nothing, why?"

"I've had a word with the guys and they've all said you've been a little quiet lately... which is very out of character."

I shrugged, "I dunno, I just get tired."

"You sure that's it? There's something else isn't there?"

"Honestly, I'm fine, Bill." I said firmly.

"Okay... but you know where I am." He patted my shoulder before leaving the room.

I sat back down once he'd gone and looked at my phone. Still nothing. I threw it towards the pillows and lay back to stare at the ceiling.
I couldn't hide it forever, I knew that, but I could at least wait until our tour was over and we went home, then I could go to my family and not have to face him for a while. That would be fine... and who knows? Maybe he wouldn't stay with Mike anyway... hopefully...