Want Him, Can't Have Him.

Why?

I sat on my bed feeling completely tuned out from the world.
Why would he do that? Why would he go back to him? Mike basically said that he wanted to be able to go out with other people as we were so popular, so why would Billie even want to go back to him? Why would he lead me on like that? Why? Why me?

I rubbed my face. At least I hadn't told him anything about how I was really feeling about him... I mean, it could be worse, I could have opened up to him and then he could have screwed me over... that would have hurt so much more...
But it hurt so much already...

I lay back and closed my eyes.
Yes, it could have been worse... I could have told him that I loved him...
I slowly opened my eyes to look at the chalky ceiling.
I love him?
I frowned. "I love Billie?" I said aloud, confused about the sudden rush of emotion that burst inside me when I thought of the word 'love'. "I love him." Again, a flutter of joy, anguish and anger all at once.
Okay I was definitely in over my head. But how could I get out? How could I get away? I didn't want to feel like this, I wanted everything to go back to the way it was... why can't I just be happy for them and carry on with my life like everyone else?
I rolled onto my side and tried to sleep but countless thoughts and questions kept filling my mind.

"Tré?" Billie rapped on my door and my stomach turned to stone.
"Tré, open up! I need to speak to you."

"You can call me later. I'm trying to sleep, I... I have a headache."

"I know you don't so let me in! Stop being so stubborn!"

"I have a headache." I repeated, not knowing what else I could say to make him leave.

"Awh, come on, Tré, don't do this..."

"Do what? Don't have a headache? Don't feel like shit because my 'friend' ditched me? Don't feel fucking pissed off because you used me to get back at Mike? Don't-"

"Tré, that's not what happened-"

"Oh really?" I was fuming and sat upright on the bed, "Because from where I'm standing it damn well looks like that!"

"Tré, I-"

"Just leave me alone, Billie Joe!" I snarled, using his full name, something I only did when I was angry with him.
He didn't protest anymore, just sighed heavily from the other side of the door and left.

And I was back in the silence with my own thoughts.

I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did that night and didn't manage to sleep until the early hours of the morning, despite going to bed at 9pm.
I woke up at 6am, only 3 hours of sleep to keep me going and a pounding head.

Today was going to be interesting.