Want Him, Can't Have Him.

Just The Two Of Us

6:00pm had come and gone and Billie still hadn't shown up. I was wandering around the room, trying to distract myself from the fact that Billie had probably stood me up to spend more time with Mike. I looked at my phone and saw that it was 7:25. I had texted him at 6:30pm to ask if we were still going out and I'd had no reply. I felt defeated and eventually slumped onto the bed. He wasn't coming.

I waited with my phone in my hand for another half an hour before storming out of the room. If he wasn't going to drink with me then I'd drink on my own.
I got almost half way to the pub we usually go to when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was movement in a small alley way and I peered into the darkness. "Tré?" Billie's voice squeaked.

"Bill? What are you doing down there?" I asked, quickly forgetting that I was ever mad at him.

"Ah, nothing. I was gonna go get a drink and..." His voice sounded fragile and I frowned.

"Everything okay?" I walked towards him, my eyes adjusting to the dim light.

"I'm fine... I've just... had a row with Mike and..." he let out a shaky breath and I didn't think he would continue, but he managed to collect himself, "I just wanted to be alone for a while."

"Hey, you shouldn't be alone. Come on, let's go back to the hotel, we can listen to some music, have a few drinks and talk about how much we hate boys," I chuckled.

"Yeah, okay. What are you doing out here?"

"Well, I was waiting for you and-"

"Oh, god... I totally forgot, I'm so sorry, Tré!"

I smiled, "it's fine, you didn't do it on purpose."

We started back to the hotel. "So, what are you guys arguing about?"

He suddenly looked more angry than upset and shook his head. "He said he thought it was silly having this relationship now when we have so many fans."

"What do you mean?"

"Basically we have a lot of choice with the amount of fans we have. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted anything serious right now." He looked away.

"Oh." I didn't know what to say or what he wanted me to say, so I waited until we were back in my room before saying anything more.
"To be honest, why would he have stayed with you for this long just to tell you he doesn't want a commitment?"

"Who fucking knows, but I don't know what to do... I stormed out."

I looked at him, "well he's an idiot, Bill, if he thinks that he can do that to you."

Billie looked up at me with his clear green eyes and I looked back at him, and before I knew it we had both leaned in to kiss.
It was everything I'd imagined it would be and it made me realise just how much I hadn't wanted to kiss Jason. I let my arms hold Billie close to me and he wrapped his arms around my neck. We briefly moved our lips apart, still embracing one another, and looked at each other. Billie didn't look shocked or confused... if anything he looked understanding, as if it made total sense and that it was a regular occurrence. That reassured me and I kissed him again. We lay on the bed for at least half an hour, our lips hardly leaving each other, before I stopped to talk. Believe me, I didn't want to, but I needed him to know how I felt...

"Listen, I kinda need to talk to you..."

"Can't we just keep doing this? Do we have to talk?"

"I'll make it quick, I promise. It's just that... since you've been with Mike I've been thinking and... I want to try having something like that..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I want what you and Mike have."

He looked at me, blinking slowly. "Don't worry, you will, you'll find the right person and it'll be like that."

My heart sunk, realising my window to explain myself was closing, "yeah, I know. Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry, you'll find someone one day."

I nodded, worry making my throat close up.

"Hey, but that doesn't mean we can't mess around for a while, does it? Just because you're worried about all of this?"

I half smiled, "I guess not."

"Come on, Frankie, lighten up a bit. I'm not going anywhere, am I? I'm still here. I'm your friend, you can always talk to me, can't you?"

I smiled a little more, "yeah, I suppose."

He kissed me again and pulled me back down against the pillows. "Let's just forget about everything else for a while, okay?"

"Okay." I grinned and he started to undress me.

Was this really happening?