Now is now, is present day. And now Ben is back in Cambridge, and in the middle of the towniest bit of town, and wet, without purpose, not knowing where to go or what to do with himself. His aunt has clearly gone off her rocker. And if she's going to start talking to him about Ben, then, well, he can't take it. He's in the way, in a narrow street. Enough people are bumping into him or giving him looks as they manoeuvre around him, that he moves in closer to the shop-fronts, to stand in front of a kitschy little tea-room with its menu in the window. He supposes he should go in, for want of anything else to do. But he had no real intent to begin with, and he just stands there and stares unfocused at the list of cakes and coffees and baked potatoes. It's all blurred, from the rain on the glass, and possibly from his eyes.
He's not crying. He did cry over Michael, at the time, maybe. He admits nothing. But not now, not for a very long time. He has achieved control: repressed all of those toxic and untidy feelings perfectly. His parents would be proud, a perfect Englishman they've raised. If only he weren't queer.
Still, they can't have everything they want.
"I'll buy you coffee, if you agree to be polite, look me in the eye and refrain from sneering more than you're genetically engineered for. What do you say?" The voice is behind him, in the bustling busy street, and Ben really doesn't want to turn around. If he doesn't turn around, then maybe it's not true.
It's Michael's voice, but maybe it's not true. Ben should have known better than to visit Cambridge again, to visit Millie. He'd thought that the odds were too high, and the frequency with which he always seemed to bump into Ben again had to have a break sometime. He had to break the run.
Not this time, though. He hears his voice, he wants to see his face. That's the way it works, and he turns around, however reluctant. He wants to see his face whenever he can, he never wants to see his face. And when he does see his face, he get one extra dose of the reason that he should never see his stupid face. That awful twist of pain and regret.
YOU ARE READING
Erase You
RomanceMichael is a musician, Cambridge-educated but living in London. He's successful, attractive and has plenty to keep him busy and happy. So why can he still not get over his old college boyfriend, Ben? Fortunately his old Great-Aunt Millie, a notor...
