in memory of

vii. darcy

in memory of susanna

i heard of your death through word-of-mouth, although i don't live in our quaint little town anymore. [i'm visiting, in case you're wondering. although i guess if you're reading this, you'd know i'm visiting anyway.]

oh, susie, why did you go ahead and kill yourself? i know i didn't try and stay in contact with you after i left middle school, but we were best friends, weren't we?

best fucking friends. 

the last time i saw you was in sixth grade, three years ago. when i left you. i had no idea, susie. i had no idea you were so depressed and wanted to end your life. i suppose if i knew, it would have changed things. i probably would've moved away, but i would've visited at least once or twice. 

it's not exactly ideal that i'm visiting my former home because my former best friend committed suicide. i don't even know what you looked like when you entered high school. i've seen the pictures they showed me of you, that glazed, empty look behind your eyes, but they don't represent you. 

there's not many pictures anyway, since you always hated them. you always preferred taking them. 

i don't know what to say to you. what do we have in common now? distant memories from years ago? 

susie...i'm sorry. i know it's too late to say sorry. it's always too late, isn't it? 

i heard about your dad too. i guess you're with him now, although you wouldn't have wanted to be. i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry.