in memory of susanna
why, why, why, why?
i don't understand, susie. i know our dad was shit. i know he abused us - especially you - and that it was scarring. i know our mum didn't look after us very well, because of her depression. i know our dad died two years ago. i know it all. but i'm still alive. why aren't you?
toby is heartbroken. mum has got even worse - she won't even come out the house anymore. i'm the only one who goes out, and that's for school. i have to face the looks, the sad stares and the carefully placed eyes. the teachers aren't much better - always asking me questions. but school is school. it's different to home. at home, everywhere i go, you're there. but at school, i put my head down and i work. and part of me forgets you and what happened. and in those hours, i am normal.
when i get home, everything's dead. i'm dead. i know i said earlier i'm alive, but i lied. i'm not. i can never be alive now that you're gone. susie, you...you were beautiful. i know all the things dad used to say to you and how horrible he was and i suppose he might be up there (or down there, rotting in hell) with you. i hope you never believed the things he said.
mum can't bear to think of you, but that's all she does. me and toby may as well be ghosts to her.
bye, susie. i don't know what else to say right now.
YOU ARE READING
in memory of
Novela Juvenillower case intended. a piece of fiction. the people i dedicate chapters to aren't necessarily people i talk to. but they are people who inspired my stories [although they may not know it.] Cᴏᴘʏʀɪɢʜᴛ © 2013 - InkButterfly
