Days go by, I haven't seen Gem in a while. I wonder where she's gone because I know for a fact she hasn't been fucking Graham.
My father hasn't said a word about Graham for a while now. I think he's just going with it, or maybe he just knows there's nothing we can do now that we are fully mated.
My other family tries to support me, but I push them aside. They don't know that we aren't really trying to work it out. They don't know that we are only engaging in our pleasure.
The bond between us feels strained. We each block the other off almost all the time, not wanting the other to feel or know each other's deepest desires, deepest thoughts.
I know I don't want Graham to realize that I'm struggling so much as I am. I don't want him to know that I've been pushing away my true feelings, that I'm so hollow on the inside because of it.
Nix and I are going out today. We've decided hat I need some time away from my difficult situation.
We decide to get a bite to eat at the diner. It's a place we have gone since we were small.
We each order our usual and sit back. "I feel like I'm going crazy." I admit quietly.
She stares for a few moments, assessing me. "Your not going crazy. You can't help the way you feel."
"I don't want to be just a good fuck to him. I've been trying to stay away, but the bond just pulls us together again and again and I can't help it. I can't stop it." I'm starting to regret my proposition to him. Being so close yet so far is worse than just staying away in the first place.
The waitress places our food down, but I'm not feeling hungry at all, so I start to push around my fries, not really eating, but having the appearance of it.
"I don't know what to tell you Tal, but you need to both work out your differences or your going to suffer." She chomps down on her burger, licks her fingers.
"I can't talk to him like we used to. I can't tell him my feelings. It's like we have a wedge between us and neither one of us wants to make the effort it takes to knock it down." My sister has a stronger persona than I do, yet I'm the packs leader. I don't have my life together, so how do they expect me to care for this pack? I can only hope that in the future I am be the great leader they expect of me.
My sister sits her food aside. She reaches over and grasps my hand. "Maybe you should stay away for a while."
I'm not sure I could do that. I'm not sure I could stomach being away from him. "Where would I go?" The bond would sear us both with pain. We need to have at least some sense of touch, some sense of a physical relationship to keep our bodies and minds at ease.
I'm not sure how my parents did this. I've heard the stories from aunt Bee. They would spend days and days apart I don't think I have the strength that they did.
"You could go to the Ceremony Cabin."
She means the consummation cabin. Every pack has one, a place where mate consummate their bonding, but we haven't even had a bonding ceremony. My mother didn't ask and neither did my father. I think they know that we aren't ready for that yet.
"I guess I could." I don't want to be alone though.
"Posy and I could all take shifts staying with you so you will have some company while you figure things out."
"That sounds really nice, thanks Nix."
---
When we make it home I spot Graham taking to Gem, yelling at her actually. She looks like she's crying. I don't want to get involved, so I continue on my walk.
I see her start to make her way towards me, but Graham snarls at her and grabs her arm. His block falls away in this moment. I can feel his need to keep end from me. He doesn't want me to know something.
He shoves me out of his head before I can figure out what that something is and I rush to my room to pack.
I'm just throwing my duffle over my shoulder when Graham has pushed his way into my room.
"What do you want?" I ask in a relatively monotone voice, trying to hold back my emotions he best I can, trying to keep myself from touching what is rightfully mine.
"Just thought we could.. You know." Hands in his pockets, confident, sexy. He knows from the last few days that I won't deny him, but his time he's wrong.
"No. I'll pass man." I slap him on the back on the way out, heading out toward the cabin with a quick pace. He doesn't follow and I'm glad, because I don't have be strength to deny him twice.
My dad gave me the keys before I left. No questions asked.
I unlock the front door, step inside. It's a bit dusty in here. It hasn't been used in a few months, but I don't mind. I throw my duffle in the floor, toss my clothes off and crawl into bed. I told Nix that I would be fine for tonight, that I just wanted to be alone.
Alone to think.
Alone to feel.
Alone to sleep and dream of how I wish we were something more, of how I wish we were so close instead of so far.
YOU ARE READING
Hidden Bonds
Loup-garou(Book3) Talon Blackwood has had feelings for his best friend since before he can remember. He can't stop the staring. He can't help the glances and the slow, easy perusals. He can't change the way he is. In love, in love with his best friend ...
