Hidden Bonds

Chapter 5: Confusion

My father doesn't know about the incident.

At least, I don't think he does. He hasn't said a word to me during training.

It seems odd.

My mom gave me a big hug earlier today, tears in her eyes. She said everything was okay. She said as long as I'm safe that she's happy.

If she knows, my father should know.

Anxious feelings are swirling in my stomach. I'm improving in class day by day, beating every openent thrown my way, but today I have no partner.

Now Graham is the one skipping training sessions and my father is stepping in as my partner.

"Lean back on your haunches, spread your legs a little wider to get a stronger stance. That's it." My father slams into me with his shoulders and I take the impact, but just barely. He pats me on the back. A job well done.

He seems fine, except he won't meet my eyes.

I think I've disappointed him.

And he still doesn't know about my studies either.

I take a break and watch as my little sister Robin spars with Nix. Robin doesn't have a chance, but she puts up a good front for others, a good fight for her sister.

"Get her Robi!" I yell out as I take a swig of my water jug and lean my elbows on my knees, relaxing.

It doesn't last long before Phoenix has her  pinned by the neck.

"Why do you always cheer for her? I'm your twin. Why don't you ever cheer for me big brother?" Nix is so full of herself as she clutches my arm, but I can see the underlying concern she has for me.

"Robi needs the encouragement." I say simply, plucking my arm from hers. I walk off and call over my shoulder. "You, my dear sister, do not."

I can already see the pouting in my head. She's ridiculous. It's a good thing she hasn't corrupted poor Robin.

Hands in pockets, I make my way to the clinic. I'm not ready for my next book yet, but I have a need for some cigs and I want to check aunt Bee's stash before buying my own.

Free cigarettes are always better cigarettes.

I take a shortcut off the path and through the woods and that's when I hear moaning coming from ahead.

I freeze.

"Mmmmmmm, baby your so tight today." I hear smacks and I look to the side.

"Ahhh! Spank me harder! You know I'm your bad girl!"

Gem.

And she's with Graham.

From my vantage point, I can see his length pounding her into the ground. Getting down and dirty with her on a literal scale.

I know I should leave, but my heart feels like someone has reached in and clutched it, just on the verge of ripping it out. I feel so overwhelmed that I can barely process it.

"Don't stop baby!" The slapping sounds are deafening to me now.

I feel my palms start to sweat, my eyes start to fog over.

I've always known about his womanizing, but to actually see him, doing all the things I wish he would do to me, is heart wrenching. 

I'm standing here for so long that I don't even notice until a hand is around my forearm, pulling me back.

A branch snaps.

It's my father.

I look back one last time to see Graham staring at me in horror before letting myself be dragged until we reach his office.

He has me seated, but he hasn't said a word.

"Tell me son," Here it comes. "Are you keeping something from me?"

His voice is shaking me up. "Like what?"

"What is this?" Medical books are thrown to the desktop.

Books? My studies.... But how did he find them? They were hidden in my bookshelf. They were all covered.

"I borrowed them from aunt Bee." I square my shoulders.

"And why did you do this? I know you and I know you hate reading, so don't bother trying to lie to me. I am your father and I am your alpha and I will not be lied to in this house or in this pack!" His fists are slamming the desk. I don't think I've ever seen him this mad before.

I'm just so confused. I thought he knew about me. I thought he knew my deeper secret, but now I have to switch off my emotions. I have to forget about that scene that keeps playing in my head.

"I.. I...I" Word searching. It's like a crossword puzzle, trying to find the right word to fit the description, to fit the amount of blocks that each letter will fit into.

I'm like those letters in a way. A lot of the time I don't fit into the right blocks on the first try, or even the second or third try. I'm always searching to be the right letter for everyone.

"Speak up!" A book is thrown past my face, anger is radiating and now all the books are flying and my mother has flown into the room, her face full of confusion as she hovers over me, talking to my father, yelling at him.

"What are you doing to our son, Nox?!Look at him! He's struggling to hang on here and your throwing books at him! Your yelling at him! Your not even trying to understand him!" It's then that I feel the tears, wet and quickly running down to drop off my chin.

Both my sisters are here, trying to pull me from the room. I struggle against them, two alpha children against one. "Stop it! I'm a man I can face him on my own!" Robin let's go quickly, always nervous and afraid to hurt other people's feelings, but Nix is stronger than that and her grip is tight around my wrist. She has a wild look on her face when she turns to stare our father dead in the eyes, unflinching. "You are one of the strongest men I know Talon and if father can still yell at you after what he knows you went through last night, he's the one that's less of a man. Let's go."

She keeps pulling me until we are the only ones around and I let her hold me. It's like she's the older brother and I'm the younger sister.

How did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? I feel like I'm tearing my family apart with all the secrets I'm hiding away.

"Let's just go to bed." I nod and let her lead 'one of the strongest men she knows' to bed before handing me some sleeping aids and rubbing my scalp with her nails until I'm out like a light, the emotions of confusion and denial that are running rampant through my mind turning off with the blackness that pulls me under.