Don't Speak

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Title: Don't Speak

Word Count: 1140

Summary: An AU songfic wherein the reader is given the cold shoulder by Spencer because she allowed him to believe Emily was dead. Song: Don't Speak by No Doubt.

Rating: T (Swearing and angst)

Requested by: @UnburnableTrash

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You hold the door open for Emily as the two of you walk into the bullpen. You smile, loving that she's finally back to the BAU. You (and Hotch) had known all along that she was alive, but you'd missed her while she was so far away. All is right in the world.

Well, almost everything, you think, watching Spencer stalk across the room, not even sparing you a glance. Since he'd found out about the way Emily's case had been handled, he'd been giving you the cold shoulder. On cases, he'd speak to you as little as possible to get the main idea across. On the jet, he sat as far away from you as possible. Outside of work, he refused to see you. Even when you knocked on his apartment door. You'd spent the night out there once, knocking on his door every few minutes. No answer.

You sigh. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

"Don't worry. He just needs time to cool off, that's all." Emily says, her dark eyes following the young genius's progress.

"I don't know, Emily... it's been nearly two weeks." You say, sighing again.

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

     "Y/N and Reid, you go to the abduction site." Hotch says on the jet later that day. You glance over at your best friend, offering a tentative smile. He looks away.

     As Hotch continues to pair the team up, you look out the window, tears forming in your eyes. You blink them away, hoping that no one sees. Nevertheless, Rossi spots it in your expression. He looks at you with concern, mouthing, "Are you okay?"

     You nod, then lower your eyes to your lap so that no one else can tell. It doesn't work. As you get off the plane, you get multiple pats on the shoulder from your concerned friends. Hotch even gives you a sympathetic look.

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

     Spencer is waiting for you inside the black SUV. He looks away when you try to catch his eye. Sighing again, you turned the key and started the engine, pulling out onto the road. The drive is entirely silent, no matter how hard you try to engage him in conversation. He ignores you, looking out the window with a blank expression on his face.

     You park the car in a parking lot near the abduction site. You get out, not looking back for Spencer as you start walking. You know why he's mad, but how are you supposed to fix it? What's done is done. And for Emily's sake, you couldn't have told him. Yes, he had come to your apartment crying, but what were you supposed to say? 'Oh, you can stop crying, Spence, because Emily's actually alive! Surprise!'

     Too late, you realize that you're muttering to yourself. Spencer is next to you, and from the expression on his face, he heard every word.

     "The fact that you hid it in the first place-" He begins heatedly.

     "I was under orders! What was I supposed to do?" You say, turning to face him on the sidewalk.

     "I came to your apartment crying for weeks, Y/N! You could have said something!" Spencer answers, his eyes blazing.

     "What? What could I have said?" You ask, near tears now.

     He sees your tear-filled eyes, and for a moment his face softens. Only for a moment, though. "How about, 'Hey, Spencer, Emily's actually not dead?'"

     "And you think you'd have taken that well? I couldn't tell you, Spencer. It was for Emily's safety!" You say, your tears spilling over into your cheeks.

     He turns away from you, leaving you crying there on the sidewalk. Your back slides down the building behind you and you sit there, trying to slow your tears.

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

     When you've finally pulled it together, Spencer has finished checking out the site. You do a little looking around yourself, but not much. You're too upset.

     Back at the station, the team begins to put together a working profile. You sit it out in a chair, your chin in your hands. No one bothers you.

     By the end of the day, you're miserable. You head back to your hotel room quietly, wanting to sleep and never wake up.

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

     The next morning, your mood hadn't improved. Spencer's has, but just slightly. He actually acknowledges your presence today. With slightly more to go on, the rest of the team is in a good mood, too.

     You can hear Pen's cheery voice on the line. She gives a name: Howard Anderson, along with his address. The next thing you know, you've got a Kevlar vest on and are on your way with the rest of the team to arrest the guy.

     When you get out of the car, you notice a shape in the window of Anderson's dilapidated old house. It doesn't register until you see it raise an arm.

     And bullets begin to fly through the air.

     "Get down!" You scream, drawing your gun. You fire a few shots into the glass, but Howard continues to shoot. A sudden, searing pain in your chest makes you drop your gun. You clutch at your wound, then feel another bullet whiz by, so close to your head that you can feel it knock some of your hair back.

     "Y/N!" Spencer yells.

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

     Spencer jumps forward, shielding you from bullets as he pulls you back behind the car. Your head is spinning from the blood loss, but you can see him clearly enough to note the tears in his eyes.

     Just before you black out, you hear him say, "Y/N, I'm so sorry."

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