Aftershock (Sequel to Yes I Am- A Demi Lovato Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

“Demi, you have to get up! You can’t stay in bed for the rest of your life babe, I’m sorry.” Marissa pulled the covers off of me. I stayed huddled on the bed. I didn’t want to face the world. She pulled me into her arms, sitting on the bed herself. “You’re on your way back to that dark place Dem. You have to do something about it, you can’t take care of Elli like this.”

“I’m fine.” I huffed, crossing my arms against my chest.

“Give me your arms.” Marissa said, her voice was quiet all of a sudden, but the silence that followed was loud. I hadn’t cut again. My arms were fine, but the fact that Marissa had wanted to check them got me on edge. She thought I was already in that dark place again. I gave her my arms, and let her pull up my jumper sleeve. I watched her face as she realized I hadn’t cut, and she looked up at mine. We stared at each other, almost having a silent conversation.

“I promised you I wouldn’t cut again.” I said, snatching my arm back and pulling my sleeve back down.

“I’m just worried about you Demi. You’ve gone back to your old eating habits, how was I supposed to know whether or not you’d gone back to other habits?” She sighed, I continued to death-glare her. “I’m sorry for caring.” She spat, walking out and slamming the bedroom door.

“I’m sorry for existing.” I whispered after she’d left. I heard Elli start to cry, and moved to go get up, but I could hear Rissa’s footsteps making their way up to Elli’s room. I was such a bad mother. First ditching Elli with my own mom for an entire year while I sulked, then leaving her at daycare all the time, then making her live with Wilmer. Hiring Alexis to look after her was the only good thing I’d ever done for her. And if I continued the way I was living, having her live with Wilmer wouldn’t be the last mistake I’d make in her life. I pulled myself out of the bed I’d been sulking in for two entire days and went upstairs.

“What’s wrong darling?” Marissa was trying to get Elli to talk but she was huddled in the corner of her bed holding her bear, not talking.

“Can I talk to her?” I asked quietly from the doorway. Marissa turned around, surprised I’d made it out of bed, but left anyway.

“Hey baby girl.” I said, going to sit next to her on the single bed Rissa had set up for her in the attic. I pulled her into my lap and held her to my chest. She was shaking with tears but they quieted down as I rubbed her back. “What’s wrong baby?” I asked, and she gripped my jumper tight, holding herself to me.

“I missed you mommy.” She said quietly, and I hugged her tighter. Nothing was going to come between me and my daughter ever again.   

“I know darling, I’m sorry.” I kissed her forehead and watched her little eyes blinking up at me. She reached up with her hand but it bumped my bruise, and I flinched. “Not there darling, mommy’s sore.” She frowned, and looked away for a few seconds.

“Why does Wilmer hurt mommy?” She asked, on the verge of tears. I just about started bawling.

“Why don’t you go play with Aunty Marissa for a bit? Mommy has some stuff to do.” I said, furiously blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over my eyes. Elli didn’t need to see me cry. She didn’t need to see how torn up I was over being married to a man I never loved who treated me like shit, because he may have hurt me physically, but he hurt both Elli and I emotionally. Marissa looked at me worriedly as I came down the stairs holding Elli on my hip. She was almost getting too big to be carried. I put her down and Marissa took her off to the lounge. I couldn’t even muster up the strength to go back to the bedroom. I just sat in the middle of my best friend’s hallway and broke down.