Stydia: If this is what broken feels like

This is not you

This has happened to often. Lydia waking up screaming from nightmares, hoping to find the comfort of reality hit her. But unfortunately that doesn't happen. She kicks the blankets off her warm, sweaty body to see dirt piled up at her feet. She lets out another ear piercing scream, to no ones surprise.

Her make up from the day before still on her face, but smudged and smeared all down her cheeks. What was she becoming? Her first instinct was to call him, because she always felt safe around him. But them she remembered, Malia. Stiles was with Malia. New hot tears were forming in her tired, weak eyes. How she longed to feel him besides her, holding her in a tight embrace, away from harm. But she'd missed her chance, she knew it, everyone knew it. And it hurt.

Lydia now terrified from the nightmare, which to her was the usual nightmare by now. Finding dead bodies, turning one over revealing stiles. But still every time it got to her. It's feeling helpless, and trust me she knows how it feels. Always wanted to do more, to be a hero, to save people. But Lydia thinks to herself "I just warn them when it's too late, too late to fix".

She runs her hands through her hair, wanting to erase some of the nerves she was feeling. But the only thing that could even attempt to do that was hearing stiles' voice, and she knows that. Without thinking it through, she gets her phone and hits 'S' for Stiles on her keyboard. The ringing of the phone was enough to drive her insane. "Lydia?- what, why are you calling at three in the morning?" He said sounding groggy Her heart sunk, this wasn't her stiles. The Stiles she knew and loved would of asked her if everything was ok. If she was hurt, or in danger. "I um-" she was cut off by the sound of someone taking on the other line. She listened intently and could hear no one other than Malia, interrogating him. "Who's on the phone?" She hissed angrily at Stiles. She could hear his hesitation. Actually the silence ran on too long. "Oh I don't know must be a cold called haha" he said putting the phone down on her.

She had never felt pain like this. Loosing Allison was one thing she never wanted to go through again. But do you know what's worse? Loosing someone but they are right there in front of you. Missing them, but they haven't gone anywhere. They may not have physically, but that wasn't the Stiles that would go to the ends of the earth to make Lydia smile. Who would give her compliments until he saw a small smile creep on her face. Who would persist on staying with her all night if she was upset about anything. That wasn't him.

But I guess you don't really know what you've got until it's gone.