I Told You, Eli Oxley

Chapter Fifteen

The first thing I did was google "how to hack a bank". Ha! I already know what you're thinking, but you've got to give me more credit than that. I only did this so I could eliminate options, to figure out what not to do.

One method that I thought was pretty clever was to use the "social engineering" tactic, which entailed scoping out the bank's employees (both in person and online) to find any weakness they may have. For instance, if a woman was slightly overweight, I could send malware veiled as a link to a weight-loss website. I could make the email look as legitimate as possible, and when the woman clicked on "Lose those last 4 lbs!", I would have access to their computer – one giant step closer to hacking the bank.

I have to admit, I was tempted to try this, mainly because I thought it would be cool to stalk and hack one of the avatars in the bank (I can't say it enough – that program really was sweet). But if that method was that easy to find on Google, I knew it wouldn't work.

I made my way through ten Google pages before I felt comfortable enough with my "not-to-do list". But looking over the list, I wasn't sure what options were left.

I spent the next I don't know how many minutes brainstorming ideas. My first one was a straightforward hack into the bank using the tools I had used to hack my dad's account, and then I could steal a town-person's identity to leave a digital trail that led back to him or her. But I felt bad about pinning a crime on someone else, so I shelved that idea.

I then thought to establish myself as an upstanding member of the community by getting a job, becoming a member of a church, volunteering, and simulating the time for a couple of years, and then apply for a sizable loan. I would pay down the loan by hacking into the bank's system and use its interest gained from others' loans to pay back my own loan. But I was worried that that wouldn't be a timely enough solution.

One of my last ideas before nearly giving up was to hack into the bank and steal fractions of cents from every transaction that the bank made and funnel it into a single account. But I knew that idea was too Office Space-ishy, so I put that plan to the side as well.

At this point, I got more than a little frustrated and flustered. I paused and stared at the screen, at the little avatars walking and driving around. I felt Brett, JT, and David's eyes on me, even though they had long since drifted to their own computers and were doing whatever it is they do. I took a deep breath and began again.

"Hey friend, what are you up to tonight?" It was a text from Al.

I wasn't sure how to interpret "friend". It might have been a sign that she wanted to be just friends, or it could have just been an expression. "Kind of crazy, but long story. I'm trying to join this hacking group, but this task I'm doing is nearly as hard as the gallon challenge (though not nearly as mortifying)," I texted back.

"Well, good luck – you hack those computers! Hang out tom?"

"Of course."

I was smiling. It was as if I somehow could feel her through the words on my phone. I always got that feeling when we texted. It was like a code that I always cracked and interpreted to mean that she really did want to be with me. Of course she did, I would always tell myself after the hormones in my brain wore off, we're best friends.

But this time as I stared at those words, I became inspired. Not about our relationship, but about my hack job (pun intended). "you hack those computers!" Al's endearing cluelessness made me think that I didn't have to hack the bank within the program – I could hack the computer and program itself. I know, it was very meta (you know, like not only thinking outside the box, but thinking about the box itself), but it seemed like the perfect solution. Unique for sure, and something that might actually work.

My only clue as to how much time had passed was the amount I had eaten. Four slices of cheese pizza (each successively colder and harder) and two cans of Mountain Dew: three hours maybe. The security was tough, but I kept thinking about what JT had told me about being a good hacker, that one of the main characteristics you had to possess was patience. So patience was my mantra.

Of those four slices, it took me two to get through the program's firewalls. The next two slices I searched through the thousands upon thousands of lines of code. I wished more than anything to be able to hit "cntrl + f" to search for the word "bank" to find the specific codes that controlled the functions of the bank, but that, of course, would be too easy.

Then there they were: about a hundred lines of bank code. Letters and numbers and *'s and $'s that represented the everyday functions of the bank: deposits, withdrawals, who the employees and patrons were and, most importantly, the code for all of the money the bank kept on site. All I had to do was cut and paste that code onto the lines controlling my own avatar's bank account, literally transferring the money.

And that's what I did.

Too bad it didn't work.