I Told You, Eli Oxley

Chapter Thirty-Six

I know you've probably been pretty frustrated with me for not showing you much of Kara so far. Your frustration would be justified. I have skimped over the details about Kara which, essentially, not only leaves you clueless about who she really is, but it may make you wonder who I truly am as well. As in, what about her makes me like her, and what does that say about who I am – what does that say about my character?

Regarding this withholding of information, however, I am going to break two rules of writing/storytelling. The first, and most oft-repeated, rule is to "show, not tell." I've been doing a lot of telling when it comes to Kara, and not a whole lot of showing. The second rule is the one alluded to above: make your characters more well-rounded. Don't just leave them flat and bland, generic.

To these rules and, at the risk of pissing you off so much that you close the book right now, to you the reader, I say screw it. Do you deserve to know more than what I'm giving you? Maybe, maybe not. But I don't care. What more do you need to know about Kara and me? She's highly attractive to me, which brings up another point: do I need to describe exactly what she looks like and the clothes she wears? Do I need to give her height and weight and her pants and bra sizes? What color her eyes are? No, you don't need to know. All you should care about is that I find her attractive. That should be enough.

And I don't care how much you want it, you don't need to know her backstory. Is it not enough for me to tell you that she's had a rough past? That she wasn't raised in a household that valued high moral standards? That she has daddy issues? Or issues with men in general? (What she saw in me that didn't threaten her, I don't know.) You just need to know that, to me, she was a very well-rounded person that had depth to her. She was the object of my lust, for sure. But she also had an emotional side to her that I found both intriguing and endearing. And the combination of my lust and emotional attachment to her (possibly stronger because of the lust) is what kept leading me back to her. Just one of many reasons why it was so hard to let her go when I had Al waiting for me.

And since I brought it up, let's discuss this idea of lust for a moment. I don't want to give you an instruction manual on lust, nor do I want to be preachy. So let's see if I can find a balanced definition. Lust:

A powerful emotion, yet it requires no emotional intimacy Not love because love requires more of an individual than just sexual attraction Contrary to what many will tell you, affects your heart, not just your pants or your head; it doesn't simply cloud your judgement – it makes your heart ache If left unchecked, can be dangerous. It can be the catalyst for, and continuing stimulus of a harmful addiction

Concerning Kara, I met at least two, maybe three of the above definitions of lust. Though I didn't know it, I was addicted to Kara. And it was harmful. Not to the point of doing something extreme, but definitely detrimental to my and Al's relationship, and possibly to my (sort of) sexual purity (which, kids, is an actual value worthy of pursuit).

***

My lust got the better of me.

It wasn't necessarily a strong lust, but it was enough to arouse my curiosity to see what we could do, how far we could go before I decided it was enough.

Over the next three days following my trampoline dodgeball outing with Al, Kara and I held study sessions in her dorm room. These study sessions consisted of a five to ten minute philosophical discussion that (d)evolved into competitive metaphorical baseball – we took turns base-running, seeing how far the runner could get without the other physically demanding to take their turn.

It began with kissing. Then heavy kissing that included lots of tongue and slobber-swapping. Then feeling each other up. Hands being handy, teeth being teethy, tongues tasting a different type of saltiness.