Friends With Benefits (A Sidemen Fanfiction)

18

     I finally pushed the words out past my throat that I could barely even breathe through. "Seriously?" He asked. I couldn't look at him, but as I stared at the floor with a blurry vision, I nodded. The room grew quiet. And only then did I realize Liv had left. She probably understood that we needed alone time. And I understood she was still there to support me but I was a bit angry she left me to fend for myself for a bit. JJ didn't say anything, he just threw his arm over my shoulders and touched the side of my face with his soft hand, making me look at him. "That's nothing to be sorry about, Mackenzie. It-" "And I like you, JJ. I've liked you for a while and I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was just scared that I would get rejected. And I tried so hard to ignore my feelings because me and feelings don't go well together but I simply couldn't and I'm sorry. I completely understand if you never want to talk to me again." I said quickly, interrupting him. I didn't give a shit. I had to say it now or it may never be said. He may never know. I was surprised when his lips connected with mine. But I kissed back lightly. Once we pulled away, he rubbed my cheek with his soft thumb as he cupped my face. "Did you seriously think I don't like you? God I've been in love with you ever since I laid eyes on you." He said, his voice quiet. I managed to smile. Even if all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry. Relief washed over me, but it didn't last long at all. "And as for the baby....I don't know yet. But I know that, again, it's nothing for you to be sorry for. I know that I want to keep it and there's no way in hell we're putting it up for adoption. And you have to move in with me." He said quickly. He probably knew I would protest with the last idea, because he added quickly, "We have a room for Liv as well." I sighed. "JJ I can't just move in with you guys. You haven't even talked about it with them and I have work here and your fans would be so confused." I said. Sure I could still go to work if I lived with JJ, but it would be much further and a pain. I had so much stress going on right now and so many questions. For who I didn't know. Just so many questions that would surely go unanswered. "You're quitting your job." He said. "No." I said, shaking my head. "Come on. You hate your job and there's no way you can work if you're pregnant anyways. You don't need to pay any bills or anything if you live with me and the guys. It would be our honor to let both of you move in." He said, rubbing my back with his hand. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, trying not to burst into tears again. "I'll talk to the guys if that will make you feel better. But I know they'll say yes." He said, still speaking quietly into my ear. My nose burned and my throat made it feel as if I would suffocate. "Hey look at me." He said, cupping my chin with his hands. "One thing at a time. Okay? I know this is overwhelming because I'm trying hard not to have a mental breakdown right now. So, will you be my girlfriend?" He spoke as soon as my eyes met his. His eyes were different now. Not in a bad way. They were soft and bright at the same time. They were full of worry and concern. No anger or sadness, like I had imagined. I still couldn't believe he liked me too and I had been too much of a wussy to just tell him. "Yes, JJ." I said, managing to smile again. He made me smile. When all I wanted to do was cry and forget all of my stress. "Second, will you please quit your job and move in with me? You and Liv." He asked as he cupped my face with his hands, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs like he did earlier. "JJ...." I said, letting my voice trail off. "Can we just wait a week or two to just see how it goes? Because I really don't want to just put this all on you and make you feel obligated to pay my bills and shit." I really didn't feel like it was a good idea if I did move in with him. Even if we were dating now and I trusted him with my life. I didn't want him to have to take care of me. I had taken care of myself my entire life and I didn't want that to change now. "Fine. But I'm serious, Mackenzie. I have no problem with you moving in. Neither do any of the guys. I promise." He said, his voice quiet. I nodded in response. I couldn't seem to form words that wouldn't make me burst into tears. It's not that my thoughts were sad, I was just so scared. And worried. And stressed. I didn't want to do anything but cry. "Come here." JJ's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He looked at me with open arms, which I accepted. And we stayed like that in silence. Him holding me tight against his own warm body. His calm breathing and heartbeat calmed me instantly. Being in his arms made me feel safe. Safe from everything. Safe from fear, pain, the world, everything. "Can I stay around tonight?" He whispered, breaking the comfortable silence. "I have to go to work in the morning but I don't mind." I said, my voice muffled. But he must have heard me, because he hummed in response. "And you can take my car." He added. I sighed and pulled away from him just enough to be able to look up at his face. He looked down at me. "JJ I can walk. I'm not disabled." I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't care. I can get the guys to come chill with me while you two are at work." He said. "If you guys wreck the house I'll kill you. We cleaned it from top to bottom yesterday." I said. I laid down beside him on the couch and rested my head in his lap and stared up at him. "I can see that. This place looks too clean. It doesn't look natural. I think we can mess it up for you just a little bit." He said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes. "No but seriously me and the guys have to get together for a book meeting anyways and we can just do it here." He shrugged. "JJ you don't live here." I reminded him as I narrowed my eyes at him. "Until you move in with me I will eighty percent of the time." He said as he gently stroked my hair. "I'm not a dog." I said, grabbing his hand and preventing him to pet me anymore. "And you can't do that JJ. I'll never be home anyways and you have videos to make. I promise you I'll be okay. I've been taking care of myself for about twenty years now." I said with a small giggle. "Whatever you say, babe."