What will I do without u

what's wrong with me?

Marks POV

                At about 4am I woke up to Jack screaming in his sleep and jerking slightly. I quickly began to shake him awake. "Jack!" "Jack!" Jacks eyes popped open and he looked at me frightened. He was covered it sweat and continued to stare at me. "Hey your okay." I tried to touch Jacks arm but he screamed at me. "Don't touch me!" He scooted away from me. "Jack?" He began to breathe heavily. "Please just don't touch me.."  I decided I'd get up and get ready since there was no chance in hell I was falling back asleep after what just happened. I got ready and went back in my room to see how Jack was doing. He was sitting up against the bed frame messing with his fingers again. I sat down by him. "Are you okay?" He shrugged and continued to looked back at his hands. "Mark what's wrong with me?" I sighed. "I don't know love but we'll figure it out." "Want me to help you get ready? "Sure." 

Jacks POV 

               I got dressed but I couldn't get my sweatshirt on as usual so Mark had to help me. When Mark got close to me I couldn't stop shaking. What's going on! I love Mark and now he can't even touch me without me freaking out! I sighed in relief as Mark stepped away. It felt as if I had held my breathe when he was close to me. "Mark?" "Yeah?" "I love you..." "I love you too." It was 7am by the time me and Mark left the house to go to school. Mark offered to take me to the car but I politely declined. I struggled to get in but succeeded. At school I struggled not to jump at the fact of Mark or anyone else touching me. Every time Mark touched me my heart would speed up and I would feel as if a weight had been pushing down on my chest. At the end of the day Mark took me to the car and I thought to myself if I were to go to a doctor they could tell me what was wrong with me right? "Mark?" "Yeah?" "Could you take me to the doctor?" "Why? Are you feeling okay?" "No not really.." "Okay I'll schedule something for tomorrow." When we got home I crawled up the stairs like I did the first day I came back from the hospital. I sat on the bed and finished some homework. Every once and a while I'd glance over at Mark which made me feel even worse. I sighed and laid down. I couldn't help but think about what could be wrong with me. After a while I just started to fall asleep. 

               I woke up to the sun shining in my face. I turned around crying out in pain. Where was Mark?! I quickly got up and scooted down the stairs to see Mark asleep on the couch. Great I scared him away. I limped over to him and sat on the floor by him. "Mark." "Mark?" I continued to say his name till he woke up. Why didn't I just touch him! "Hey love." Mark smiled down at me. "Why did you sleep down here?" "I didn't want you to freak out like your did yesterday so I stayed away.." Oh my god I chased him away! "Oh yeah! You have an appointment at 12. What time is it? "10am." Mark groaned and got up. He got ready then helped me. "Wanna go out to eat after your appointment?" "Sure." At 11am we headed to the doctors office. We waited for a while. I felt so anxious actually being there. Then the doctor finally called my name. "Jack?" I got up and went over there. Mark tried to help but I refused. I sat down and he examined me and asked me questions about my health and personal issues. "Jack so Mark tells me you haven't been feeling to good lately?" I looked at Mark as if I was asking him to leave. He seemed to have got the signal. "I'll wait outside." Mark left and I finally started talking. "Well everytime Mark of someone else touches me of gets to close I feel as if their going to hurt me if I let them. Is there something wrong with me?" I asked very concerned that I may never get to feel Marks arms wrapped around me again. "You have what is called a panic disorder, due to your childhood abuse when people get to close you may feel as if they will hurt you. Have you had any symptoms?" I thought for a moment then answered. "Well my heart races when Mark touches me and it gets difficult to breathe. According to Mark I've been having dreams and waking up screaming. Is that anything?" "Yes." The doctor told me everything I would need to know as well as a medication I was told to take. I walked out of the room to see Mark standing there worried. "So are you okay?" "Mark...I have a panic disorder." Mark froze for a moment. "What does that mean?" He swallowed hard hoping the answer wasn't what he thought it was going to be. I told Mark everything the doctor told me. Mark touched my hand and I jumped. He pulled away quickly. "Sorry." "It's okay." I touched Marks hand not caring how it made me feel. I shot him a small smile and we left to go eat. We decided on a small little pizza place near the downtown area. Lunch was mostly silent considering the awkwardness between us. Just like Mark had said I guess we truly were getting a new beginning. 

Marks POV

                According to the doctor it would take time for Jack to let me get close to him or touch him. I couldn't stand the fact of having to avoid Jack. Why did this happen know? When he's already hurt enough and needs help but can't receive it. What am I going to do? "Mark!" "Huh?" Jack giggled. "You were dozing. Do you wanna go home and watch a movie?" "Sure." I paid the bill and drove us home. 

               Jack went upstairs and got his glasses and got his favorite blanket from my house. Jack snuggled up on the left side of the couch and I sat on the other side trying to keep my distance. "What do you wanna watch?" "Anything you want love." "How about intruders?" "No horror you always freak out." I laughed after making my statement. "Shut up!" Jack laughed and turned on the movie anyway. We watched the movie for a while Jack yelling out crazy shit every once and a while. "Ew ew ew! Holy fuck that's digusting!" I laughed and stared at Jack. "What?" "Nothing I just wanna look at you." Jack sighed messing with his fingers again. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset." I felt bad suddenly. I didn't mean to make Jack upset. Maybe he was feeling as bad as I was. 

             Later Jack turned on another movie and feel asleep halfway through. "I love you Jack..." I whispered quietly falling asleep.