Haven [Marvel | Bucky Barnes]

Chapter 14

He came back.

He stayed.

As she felt sleep overtaking her where she lay wrapped in his arms, it was those two thoughts that echoed through her mind. As their skin cooled and his breath evened out beneath her cheek she smiled.

He'd come back. And he stayed. So perhaps there was hope. Perhaps what he felt for her and what she'd come to feel for him would be enough. They would figure something out. Perhaps she wouldn't have to say goodbye. She sighed, stretching out beside him, her fingers unconsciously tracing over the muscled expanse of his chest and abdomen, his skin still warm and faintly damp as their mingled sweat lingered in the aftermath of their love making.

He hadn't said a word save to breathe her name against her skin as he moved inside her and as he came, bringing her with him, but she'd felt how much she meant to him in every touch, every reverent caress. Like she was precious, beautiful, priceless. She was certain it wasn't mere wishful thinking on her part. She'd seen it in his eyes.

Yet he still hadn't kissed her.

But just now, lying nestled against him, savoring the solid, real warmth of him it seemed a mere detail. He wanted to. There had been moments when he'd come so close, his lips ghosting over hers while never quite touching, but there had always been a trace of trepidation, of anxiety and apology when he hesitated.

That he had touched her at all, much less given into what they had just shared, seemed nearly a miracle to Iris. For almost as long as she'd known him he had made a point not to, and even after she discovered the truth of his cybernetic arm he'd always been so careful to keep it away from her. Like he didn't want to contaminate her with what the bionic enhancement—prosthetic?—represented. That he seemed genuinely afraid to kiss her, no matter that it was obvious his feelings for her ran as deep as her own? She couldn't fathom feeling so broken, so tainted, that a simple kiss felt beyond what he deserved. It broke her heart to think he didn't feel worthy of kissing her. Because that's what it was; she could see it. She saw it on the roof all those nights ago and she saw it this night when, even as his touch seemed to set her skin on fire, he still held himself back from that small but significant intimacy even as they had given into a greater, far more encompassing one.

But just now she couldn't bring herself to dwell on it. He was beside her, holding her, both of them languorous and sated from the passion that had burned through their joined bodies. And that meant more to her than a kiss. It would happen, one day. She was sure of it. This night was a promise; they would figure something out.

Sleep tugged at her ever more persistently and her fingers slowly stilled as she nuzzled drowsily into the crook of his neck one final time before it took her. And as she slipped into dreams, those two small words that had come to mean so much more breathed past her lips to brush against his skin. They sounded as much like an 'I love you' as actually saying it would have.

"Please stay."

The last thing she remembered was the feel of his lips brushing against her forehead as his arms tightened protectively around her.

She slept soundly.

So soundly that she very nearly didn't feel him slipping from her embrace as the first morning light began seeping through the curtains. Dimly, she felt him leaning back down, his breath whispering against her ear as he spoke soft words her more than half-asleep mind could barely process. But she didn't come truly awake until she heard the barely-there sound of her apartment door easing shut.

It was only then that Iris was pulling herself up, not completely realizing that he'd actually left—even wondering if he'd been there at all for a terrifying split-second—until a distant, distinct creak came from the stairs outside her apartment door. A gasping breath ripped through Iris' chest.

In an instant she was pulling on whatever clothes came to hand before she was racing after him, panic fluttering in her stomach, the words he whispered only now hissing with perfect clarity through her mind as she all but flew down the stairs to his apartment. The apartment he hadn't really occupied since that first night weeks before when she'd asked him to stay.

The door was unlocked and the key was on the counter.

She didn't have to pass the threshold to know it was empty. She didn't even close the door as she backed away, spinning to burst through the front door, down the steps and out onto the sidewalk.

It was still early, the morning still bathed in that crisp, bright quality that only seemed to appear in the first few hours of sunlight. The street with its rows of skinny townhouses was virtually deserted, the air still damp and chilled. Car windshields glimmered with condensation that the sun hadn't quite built the strength to burn off yet. Here and there birds chittered and chirped as they flitted and skittered across the sidewalks. It was a beautiful morning.

But Iris didn't notice. She was too busy scanning the street for any sign of James. Her eyes darted every which way, hoping to catch a glimpse of his faded army-green jacket or his dark grey ball-cap over a car roof or past a lightpost.

"James?" She barely even realized she'd started calling for him until the near panicked sound of her own voice shattered the stillness of the street, causing the birdsong to falter. A tremor had woken in her chest, feeling like her insides were quaking. "James!"

Desperation was quickly beginning to take hold as she scoured the street around her, certain he couldn't have gotten far. She'd been right behind him. If she could just find him, they could talk this out. She could get him to stop and think for a moment, long enough to reconsider. "James!"

The cheerful chirping of the birds was the only sound breaking the silence of the morning; it sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Iris. It was getting harder and harder to deny what had happened.

He'd left.

The realization crushed in on her, her eyes blurring as angry, hurt tears began welling in her eyes and throat, strangling her as she struggled to breathe. A shuddering sob tore from her chest as she fought the tears back, her arms wrapping around herself as the tremors began shaking her whole body, no longer content to stay confined to her chest.

"James..." It was the last one, her voice cracking and despondent, no longer a plea or a shout for him to appear or wait, but an aching admittance of understanding.

He'd left.

Her legs were shaking badly enough that she all but collapsed back onto her front steps, landing with a painful jarring on the cold concrete. But she scarcely noticed. The tears finally came, though she still fought to keep the wracking sobs she knew were coming at bay. She hugged herself tighter, her knees folding up to sandwich her arms against her chest as she curled in on herself. His last, whispered words echoed hoarsely in her ears, shredding her self-control as the reality of what had happened settled heavily around her.

I'm sorry, Iris.

Their night together hadn't been a promise.

It had been goodbye.

Quiet as her sobs were, they still seemed to echo in the nearly empty street. They ripped through the man who had caused them as he forced himself to witness what he'd done to the woman he loved before he turned and disappeared silently over the rooftops.    

A/N: I know...I'm a horrible person...*hides behind desk*

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