Stay

--How Do I Live Without You?--

I sat in my room all day, ignoring school.

I haven't went in three days. My mental situation isn't the best. I'm going to have to go tomorrow. Ugh.

I checked my phone, it was noon. I might take a nap..

--Fast Forward to after the nap--

I woke up around 2:20 am, ugh. My life.

I scrolled on Facebook for like five minutes. Then put my phone down. I closed my eyes until I felt my phone vibrate.

I open my eyes and read the text.

Andy?... I thought, reading the text.

Andy: Hey.. I can give you a ride to school.. If you want. If not then that's alright. Lets just meet up afterward.
Me: No you can drop me off, I don't mind.
Andy: Sorry if I woke you..
Me: I was already awake.
Andy: Oh.. Well. See you soon..

I put on Remind Me - Brad Paisley(Ft. Carrie Underwood) and just cried myself to sleep.

So on fire, so in love
Way back when we couldn't get enough
Remind me, remind me

I woke up around 5:30 to get ready. I hopped in the shower.

When I got out I dried my hair. I didn't feel like wearing a shit ton of bracelets to cover my wrists, so I just wore my black Pierce The Veil sweatshirt.

I chose my black skinny jeans and black vans with white laces. I got my bag and ate some cereal. I waiting for Andy to text me he was here.

An hour later he texted me he was outside.
I grabbed my lanyard with my house key on it and slipped it over my head and hid it under my sweatshirt.

I walked down my driveway, thinking about why he was picking me up. I gripped the sleeves of my sweatshirt, looking down crying a bit. I climb into his car, sniffling and wiping tears from my face.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

I nodded slowly, avoiding all eye contact. I didn't want him knowing I was crying, even though hopefully it wasn't obvious.

"Look Scar, about yester--" He says before I interrupt him.

"Brittani.. My name is Brittani.." I sigh, looking out the window.

I see him take a sharp glance at me.

"Okay... Britt.. I'm sorry about yesterday. I won't try to treat you differently. I think you're so sweet and amazing. And half the time it really seems you're my age.. But.. I can't date you.. I just don't feel right doing it."

He glances from the road at me.

The silence was creeping up.. And not the good kind either.. I tried holding my tears back to reply.. But I ended up covering my mouth and crying, then saying "I get it.... this h-happens to me..." I paused, crying more, wiping my tears. I continue in a shaky voice. "A-All the time. I knew I'd l-lose you.. I knew it.. Now you see me as this.. This worthless kid... You'll treat me like a baby.."

We get to my school, as he parks in the parking lot, turning off his car.

He slowly, carefully pulled me into his lap. I covered my mouth, looking away, as I tried not to cry, ending up in me choking out sobs. I felt my heart shatter and drop to my stomach.

"Britt.. Listen. I'm sorry. I just can't do that.. I won't treat you like a baby. We can hang out, sneak out together. Whatever you want... But you're in elementary? Middle school? I just can't.."

I sit there thinking..

How could he say that..? Knowing I'm fucking crying he says that out of all things.. I'm done..

I reach over the seat, grabbing my bag, avoiding looking at him.

If I look at him I'll melt in his eyes and forgive him and he doesn't deserve that..

"Yeah. Have a great day. Bye." I open the door, climbing off his lap, running towards the school.

"Brittani... Brittani!" I hear him call out behind me. I run to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door, dropping my bag beside me, sliding down the door as I cry. I curl in a ball, my face covered.

I can't take feeling like my heart is breaking every ten fucking seconds..

I cry more, punching the walls around me.

I exit the bathroom, faking a smile and looking like I've never cried once today.

Time to smile in hell.

I go off to my class.