Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 29

"Is everything alright?" Lisa tilted her head upwards to meet Dean's eyes.

"Why are you asking?" his voice was thick.

"I don't know." she breathed out a sigh, snuggling closer to his side "You didn't say a word last night. I asked you if you were alright and you brushed me off, asked where you've been and you didn't say a word. Instead we-" she licked her lip "Well, didn't get off bed and still actually haven't." she shrugged softly.

"I don't remember you complaining last time." he gave her a smirk that gosh felt so fake.

And maybe she knew him too well to not buy it "Yes, but- that's the thing Dean." she let out a sigh.

He raised an eyebrow at her "What do you mean?"

"It's- We've never... done it this way before. I'm not complaining, no never you know that. But I've known you for years, even if we had to see each other for some time I still- I know what you are like with a woman in bed, I'd like to say better than anyone. And last night wasn't- it was nothing like ever before." she confessed, her fingers tracing random patterns over his chest.

"So what?" he blinked "It bothers you that this time I was different?"

"No, no I told you I liked every bit of it. It's just- there was something Dean. Please tell me I'm not the only one thinking like that." she plopped up and rested on her elbow to look down at him "Dean what happened?"

"What- why are you saying that?" he still tried to play dumb.

"I- I don't know. It's just- you came in after hours of me trying to contact you. I've been calling and you haven't been answering. Your eyes- they looked bloodshot, as if you'd been crying for hours a-and when I asked you, you didn't answer Dean. Instead you just grabbed me and kissed me and then- we ended up here. A-and you- Dean you went... slow. Like really slow." she had a deep frown on her face.

Dean merely rolled his eyes "I don't remember this being a problem any other time."

"Yes, but that's what you don't get. This has not happened any other time, not this way at least. You were going slow as if-as if you were afraid I was going to slip out of yours hands any moment. You seemed... desperate, Dean. You didn't stop for a moment exploring me like it was our first time, or something. And the few minutes you took a break you- you didn't let me utter a word! The moment I asked you where you've been or what had happened you just went back to it." she finished her rambling with a sigh before running a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry if I am pressuring but- you need to realize I got worried, Dean." she mumbled giving him a look.

Dean let out a sigh, closing his eyes before he swallowed thickly. A lump had formed on his throat but as much as he wanted to ease her worries he knew he couldn't. Because he couldn't phrase that scaring truth, even if it was happening. That you were getting married to his brother. And above all he couldn't phrase the most scaring truth of his life that he had come to realize very late. That he was helplessly in love with you.

Because that was what it all was about. Yes, his eyes were red because of crying. And yes, he had walked in like a zombie, walking dead, completely void of any emotion. And yes, he had been avoiding to answer her calls all night until he had finally decided to return home. It was the early morning actually he now started to realize, but right then he didn't care. He was sorry he had to worry her but he couldn't do any different.

And all that was something he couldn't dare say out loud. Just like the fact that all night long, morning as well, it wasn't her face that he pictured as his eyes were closed. Hell; it wasn't her face that his eyes saw the moment he kissed her either. In his hazy dream-like state that was actually a reality he didn't see her. But you. It was you he whispered all those sweet nothings to. It was you that he kissed so feverly some times, tenderly others. It was you whose body he tried to map out the best he could, again and again. It was you whose body he kissed every inch of. It was you that he whisperedto 'I love you's over and over again. It was you he so desperately held in his hands, scared to not let you go. It was you he was dreaming of making love to till the very early mornings. It was you he was trying to be one with. It was your voice that filled his ears, saying all the things he had dreamed of so many times before. It was your big (y/e/c) orbs that started up at him with adoration. It was your lips that kissed him with so much love. It was all you. And you were all his for that night, only his.