The Book Of Retarded 1D OneShots

Louis- Shot Through The Pinkie

(If you started singing Bon Jovi at the title, I love you okay!)

I Iz Shanaynay!

So my boyfriend.... Be jealous bitch.

It's Lewis Termlinson.

We were together for a long time and he like really loves me. I swear. The guy is like crazy about me.

Tonight is our 8 hour anniversary and I'm making Lew a dinner! He's gonna love it!

He had a concert tonight with Luke Hemsworth and Oprah Winfrey.

They sang We Can't Stop by Milley Cyrus. In the middle of the show, Oprah fell of the stage and broke her ear because she was unsteadily twerking so the show was finished early.

Lewis would be home soon! I was excited because he was hot. He was supah hot.

I was surprised no one threw water at him because of hot smoking hot he was!

LOL! I made a funny ^.^

Lewis walked in the door and he looked high. ''Ew you're still here? I hoped you'd be gone by now.'' he slurred out and my heart fluttered at his choice of words.

''I made us fewd baby!'' I screamed.

''DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DAMN LOUD SHANAYNAY? WHAT THE MOTHER CONTAINER IS WRONG WITH YOU?''

I laughed at how angry he was and sat at the dinner table.

He took a bite out of the meal I made. Taco shells and salt on the side.

Lewis got up in a rage and screamed ''Ew! I hate tacos and salt on the side! I LIKE TACOS AND PEANUTS ON THE SIDE, YOU SHE DEVIL!''

I stood from the table and tried telling Lewis to calm his floral panties but he didn't!

Suddenly, he pulled out a knife from his pink bra and aimed it at me.

Oh gosh!

No not this!

Anything but this!

A bullet escaped his knife and hit me in the pinkie finger. I screamed and howled in pain!

I lay on the floor, desperate, helpless and bleeding from my favorite pinkie.

While I was dying, Lewis was on the phone with Oprah, making sure her ear was okay. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was so sensitive to other peoples feelings and-

X_x

RIP SHANAYNAY. SHE WILL DEARLY BE MISSED BY EVERYONE (EXCEPT LEWIS TERMLINSON. . . . . PROBABLY)

You are welcome to comment with your last words to our dear, dear Shanaynay.

And you are invited to her funeral.

We plan to tip her off a steep cliff in Australia.

Please come. I know she would've wanted you there.

I know Shanaynay would've also wanted you to send me ideas for more retarded Oneshots. She would've really preferred it that way :'(