The Book Of Retarded 1D OneShots

Harry- YOU'RE MINE!

In a casual way, I snuck into Harry's hotel room. This had to be his! There was no doubt.

Packs of Haribo gummy bears were freaking EVERYWHERE!

I couldn't believe it!!!! I was IN his room.

The cat had found its food.

The eagle had soared the sky.

The hawt bitch had found her future huzzy!

This sexiness was doing some concert or something and he tweeted earlier about how he was at a hotel. So I just checked every hotel and every room in the country.

I squealed as I saw his Teletubbies boxers on the floor and I shoved them into my Harry Styles bag.

In the corner of the room, standing tall and proud was his trash can and I knew that my plan could be carried through.

In a ninja like, stealthy way, I walked to the trash can and kicked it so it emptied on the floor.

An evil, high pitched giggle left my mouth and I got up off the floor and wickedly danced the Flamenco.

I should've mentioned before, I'm an AMAZING dancer.

While doing my special spirit fingers, I kicked my foot up and screamed in pain.

I'd just pulled a muscle.

But it's no big deal. Every dancer pulls muscles. I seem to pull them a lot.....

Anywhooooo..... YOLO.

I sorted through the trash on the floor and ignored the condom wrappers I saw.

I hooted when I finally found what I'd been looking for.

A tissue. Used by none other than the smexalicious Harry Eedwerd Steeles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*excitement*

Excitement rushed through me like the weirdass thing that we call blood.

I grabbed the tissue and swagged out of there feeling like a boss!

-^~>/\ 2 WEEKS LATER /\<~^-

''And she says that your the father, Harry!'' Maury screamed.

I wiped my fake tears as Harry's mouth dropped open.

''I- I don't remember you at all. It couldn't have been me!'' Harry protested just like my ex-boyfriend, Jimmy, had done when I begged him to stay.

''No!'' Jimmy protested!

''Well Harold..... It was a Saturday night about 10 months ago and you went home with me then left the next morning!'' I cried.

Maury asked ''Was he sober at the time?''

''No. He was drunk as hell!'' I screamed and Harry looked as frightened as when he discovered his Teletubbies undies were missing.

''THE DNA RESULTS ARE IN! And they prove that....... HARRY! YOU ARE THE FATHER!''

Harry buried his face in his hands and cried while my inner fangirl was released.

''OHMYGAD!!!!! I told you bitches he got me prego!'' I flailed my arms all over the place and the show ended.

(Backstage)

''Uhm.... I'm like sorry that I don't remember you or any of this but I'll fully take responsibility and...... Yeah. Where's the- our baby?'' Harry asked.

''Marcel Harry Edward Directioner5ever Styles is at my house. We should go see him!'' I said, my eyes opened wide in a demented, sexy way.

We got to my home and I closed the door and locked the 30 locks that were installed on it unsuspiciously.

I led Harry into my room where there was a crib and lifted the baby.

''WHAT THE!? That's not a baby! Thats a doll!'' he screamed backing away from me.

''The doors are locked Harold. I've got you where I want youuuuuu! You're MINE!''

''OH GOD NOT AGAIN!......''

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