Desolation Row (Frerard)

Part 4

Gerard and I have been going out for a few weeks now. Tonight we had planned a date and it was going to be special, even though he has no clue. I haven't been ready to sleep with Gerard yet. But tonight, I am ready. It will be our first time with each other and I want it to be perfect.

I had spent an hour trying to figure out what to wear. Even though skinny jeans were hard to get off, they were better than the other ripped pants I had. I put them on with a black button up shirt.

My mom was out getting drunk somewhere so at least she was out of my way. As I was doing my hair there was a knock at the door. Already? I still have a few hours left. Maybe he just couldn't wait. The thought of him being too excited to even wait for a couple of hours made me smile.

I went to open the door, but not to find Gerard. It was Jake. I tried to close the door on his face but he pushed it open, making me tumble backwards. He slammed the door behind him and started coming closer to me. He was drunk, again, and smelt like he had taken a bath in beer. I tried to get away but he grabed my shirt and threw me to the ground. Without warning, he sucker punched me in the face leaving me a bloody mess.

"Next time I won't go so easy when your little boyfriend tries to beat me up." Jake spat in my face.

"There won't be a next time." I tried to swallow my words but it was too late. He came right up to my face and grabbed the collar of my shirt.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Maybe if I don't speak again, he will just leave.

Jake slapped me hard across the face. "Speak bitch."

I was wrong. "We are no longer together. I don't want you in my life. We're done."

At first Luke looked hurt, like the words were 1,000 knives. But that instantly turned into rage as he came over and picked me up from the ground. My body was slammed against the wall knocking the breath out of me.

"We were never actually together. Not even from the start. I always thought of you as a weak and worthless piece of shit. I only was your boyfriend to use you. Now that I am done with you, I'm going to get rid of you."

Jake threw my body back onto the ground. He kicked me in the stomach. It felt like he had taken a sledge hammer to my ribs, again and again. He stepped over to my otherside and kicked my back. I felt his fists clench around my shirt as he raised me up, punching, me in the face several times.

Jake got up and said, "That's how you take out the trash." Before making his grand exit, he spit on me.

I lay there on the floor, my head pounding as I clench my stomach from the pain. I did not even bother to get up. Like Jake said, I'm a worthless piece of shit. Why can't I just lay here and die? Not suffer the pain. Just end it all.

I heard my ringtone play from the bathroom. I'll just let it go to voicemail. It's probably just Ray anyway asking about the math homework.

After about an hour, I tried to get up. I fell back down, my arms too weak to support me. Weak. Jake's words stuck with me. I crawled to the bathroom instead of trying to get up. Worthless. I reached the bathroom and just sat on the floor. Piece of shit.

I kept crying, the tears stinging in my eyes. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares about me. Gerard probably called to cancel the date. Tell me that I was not the risk of loosing his job. The loud sobs escaping from me could be heard from miles away.

Again, my phone rang. I grabbed it off the counter and looked at the screen. Gerard. The screen also said, 10 new text messages.

I put the phone down to myside and continued to cry. He deserves someone better than me. Not some kid in the back of the classroom that no one even bothers to talk to. The kid with the abusive boyfriend-ex boyfriend- and alcoholic mother. The kid that always skipped school. The kid that can't stand up for himself.

I lifted my arm up and moved my hand around. I accidently knocked my phone in the sink, but got my prize. I grabbed the razor and pulled it down. No ones going to miss me. Things are better of this way.

I took the razor and pressed the cool metal against my skin. The phone rang making me jump, also causing the blade to nick my skin. It hurt, but did not bleed. I looked at my phone. It was Gerard calling again. He had sent me several more text messages along with calling me. I let it ring and focused on the razor.

I presed it in, then swiped across my wrists. "FUCK!" I yelled out grabbing the newly put wound. It hurt alot not then from what I remembered. But it was worth it. I had to go someday. It might as well be today and end all the pain. I picked up the razor again and placed it on my other wrist. Before I could press into my skin, there was loud banging at the front door. I jumped from the noise, dropping the razor.

"FRANK!" I heard a man's voice yell, but I couldn't make out who it was. Shit I hope it's not Luke again. Can he just leave me alone?

"FRANK! ARE YOU IN THERE? ARE YOU OKAY?" The man was practically screaming at the other side of the door.

Who would be checking in to see if I was okay? Oh shit. It's Gerard.

The door swung open and I could hear frantic footsteps around the living room. "FRANK!" He yelled again.

Nothing was happening to me that was showing signs of life being taken from me. The cuts are not deep enough. Before I made the second cut, I tired to get over to the door to lock it. Struggling, I tired to lift myself up by holding onto the sink. Before I even was up, the door swung open.