Don't leave me alone// joshler

.:21:.

The house was always quite because everyone was away at work or sleeping.
I took advantage of the no noise thing to listen to the music that Josh had recommended.
Brendon was getting really serious with Sarah, which probably meant he would move out soon. Patrick was always occupied with his new boyfriend, Pete. Then there was me and Josh.
Sometimes I would write in my journal, but ever since life has been ok, I've kept it for the dire times in which I wanted people to leave me alone.
"Thank you thank you thank you!" I hugged Patrick because he had gotten dinner that night.
"Dang ty you're sounding gayer everyday" he laughed.
"What's that mean?" I shot him a confused look.
"Look at Josh, and then look at you" I did exactly what he did. The only difference was that Josh was wearing all black, and my outfit had a neon pink that would blind most people.
"That doesn't mean anything, gay is not how people dress" I tried defending myself.
"Whatever you say" he continued eating his dim sum.
I had to think about it for a good minute.
I didn't feel that gay.
I mean I guess my style was changing, and the way I looked at life has been altered just a little.
This was my new way of life, it hasn't had an effect on my mindset till now.
Later that night Josh and I lay in the same bed curled up into a ball.
"Would you like me if I was sooooo gay?" I tried the sarcastic route, but later gave up.
"Patrick opened my eyes up to this whole thing, now I don't know how to feel. I'm just like leave me alone" I breathed out.
"Tyler, if it means anything I think you are amazing the way you are. Don't change. I will always love you as Tyler Robert Joseph manager of Cruella Bakery"
Love?
I forgot to mention my promotion to managed, but I wasn't really sure how it had happened.
Josh was happy for me, I wasn't as thrilled because I wasn't sure what it had actually meant, but ya know. Nod and smile.
But love?
"Do you think you could love me? Not now but one day" I thought I was talking in my head still.
"Um...." He cleared his throat.
"We've known each other for a good 6 months, I mean I love you like a brother. Wait not like a brother. But I love you like a friend. But like um you're more than a friend. I love you like a Tyler" he was rambling again, I found it cute, but I was offended by the brother thing.
"Josh breathe" I traced circles around his knuckles.
"I know you're not in love with me Josh, I'm not in love with you. We don't even know what love means. We're basically still babies in our brain. I've never learned to care or love, so I don't expect much from you" I thought I was comforting him.
"Tyler I do love you, but you know we haven't even been out together as more than friends. Sure we go on walks and run errands, but that's casual stuff." I didn't know what he was getting at until I built up the guts to say.
"So you want to go public?" I didn't know how I've mustered up this much courage since I've met Josh. I used to be that kid that only talked when asked a question.
"More public that just Brendon and Patrick" he confirmed
"Are you sure?" I wasn't sure
"If you want to" he extended his voice octave just to sound a little more caring then he already was.
"If you want to" I argued.
"I do want to" he created a small minute for the both of us to be quiet.
"Do we just start holding hands whenever we go out?" I asked shyly and confused.
"I want to able to kiss you while sitting on a park bench" he closed his eyes and I felt the world he was playing out in his head.
"What if people make fun of us?" I was never worried what people thought until this very moment.
"Those people would be jealous because they don't have what we have" I could just kiss him right now.
"Ok so my boyfriend?" I made a face.
"Boyfriend" he confirmed once again.
Josh Dun is my boyfriend.