I pick up each pill of each medicine bottle and throw them in the trash, a total of about twenty or so of mixed up medicine. I feel a couple tears drip down my cheeks.
"Y-You were going to jus-st leave m-me?" I wipe my face and then sigh after he doesn't respond, "I don't blame you."
Patrick's eyes skirt the ground in between us. He's leaning against the cupboards, me sitting in front of him. I see his face is puffy and red and has the scars of tears running down his face relentlessly. Then he looks up at me and his blue and green and brown eyes are just filled with depression.
"You didn't take your medication," I whisper.
He looks away again and wipes his eyes with his thumb then sighs a shaky breath, taking another minute to control himself, "You left me." Patrick locks eyes with me again and this time it's me looking away. I can't stand the look in his eyes- distrust mixed with disappointment.
I run my hand through my hair, "Patrick I-I can explain." I start to cry again, looking anywhere but his eyes. If I look in there again, I'll probably lose control of myself. I just can't. I've broken him. I thought that people treated Patrick like crap- yeah look at me now.
He bites his lip, looking down at the floor, "Go on then."
I'm a bit taken aback. I was expecting him to just push me away and tell me to leave, but then I realize, Patrick would never do that. No matter how much he gets hurt or how much he's brought down he'll always get right back up and either stand his ground and/or forgive someone. I don't know why it took me this long to actually figure out why Patrick was always bullied for most of his life, but now I know, and I wipe my eyes furiously.
"I left last night, taking only my clothes and pictures of . . us. I hate to blame someone, I really do, but I'm not even though it sounds like it. I should have told you- said something, but I was so scared of hurting you-"
Patrick raises his hand, cutting me off, "Whoa whoa- hurting me? You do realize you left me, with nothing, all alone, once again, like I've been for my entire life except the past couple months I've been meeting you. Are you serious- you're serious?" His expression is a mix of annoyance and disbelief. It hurts me so much to not see that grin or smile or something that makes him look happy.
"-like I was saying, I was scared of hurting you . . . so I left. And I just drove. I kept going and going until this morning when I realized that I'm an idiot. Why did I leave you, just because Leah told me to? I don't know why I did- maybe because of how she threatened to hurt you so bad if I didn't leave, and that look in her eyes just sent me scared," I sigh, looking at the floor and back up at him, "I'm so sorry. And I know that won't help at all but I'm going to try and keep trying until I can get you back. I'm so so sorry, 'Trick."
A couple tears drip down his face, but he smiles a bit. He smiles. Not the full tooth grin that gets to me like nothing else does- but just a smile. A small, sad and happy smile. "I don't know what to say, Pete. I thought you just left me for good. That you didn't care. I lied in bed for hours after I went to your apartment to look for you. I didn't take my medication, I just lied there, doing nothing. I thought about so many things that I now regret. Leah came in, told me you left and that she was told by you to take care of me. I didn't want to believe it, but it was all I had. She tried to change me, Pete. She asked me if I could change just for her. I made her leave. I didn't even say Please." He starts to cry again, wiping the tears off of his face. "I thought you were gone Pete. And I didn't want to deal with it anymore s-so I- I almost took the drugs, but you showed up and stopped me. Now we're here. I just couldn't-" Patrick covers his face with his arms, shoving it into his knees, sobs racking his body.
I lean over, touching him tentatively at first but then pulling him into my lap. He rests his head in the crook of my neck, crying out onto my shoulder. I just rub his back over and over- tracing various shapes on him until he calms down. We sit like that for who knows how long, probably an hour or so. I wait until he's done and then when he pulls back I can't help myself anymore. I lean down and kiss him slowly, keeping my arms around his waist. He kisses back a bit roughly and wraps his arms around my neck. I never break the kiss and he doesn't either, not until he stops for a breath.
"Let's get you your meds, 'kay 'Trick?" I say quietly, running my thumb under his eye.
He looks down, nodding and sniffling. I slowly stand up, helping him up as well. Patrick stands up shakily and I pull him into a tight hug, "I'll never leave you again."
Patrick looks up at me, "And I'll never leave you."
Once he takes his medicine I help him make his bed. He showers while I make us lunch and popcorn. Then, we cuddle up for a movie, and I don't really know what to think.
"Does this mean you've forgiven me?" I ask quietly.
Patrick nods slowly, "I know you must be confused, but I've learned over the years that it's better to forgive people than neglect them. We all make mistakes, Pete. And half of it wasn't even your choice. It'll take me a bit to get comfortable again but I know you're actually here for me."
I wipe my eyes, "I don't know what to say to that, really."
Patrick smiles up at me, blushing a bit, "Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, have you been crying?" Then he leans in and this time he's the one kissing me.
- I feel like he's saying "you okay?" in this gif but i can't be sure
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