Forever We'll Be Young

Monster

Namjoon's POV

"C'mon we can do this!" I smirked at him while he thought about it. 

"We are so bad Monie-hyung." "Shh don't tell." At the sounds of police sirens, we took off running. "I told ya we're doing it kid." "I feel so free hyung!" "You need to be free in order to survive. Promise me that you will always tell yourself 'You need to survive'." We hid in the dark and isolated alleyway. He paused, out of breath, before turning to look at me with a sad look on his face. "I'm trying hyung just without him here..." "I know. I miss him too, but we can't give up." "But hyung how will we live? We're nothing now and we've been doing nothing but taking risks." "Don't you see kid? We're finally living again. Even as idols we couldn't live. Not really. Not like this. After everything, doesn't it feel good to be out? To be free?" "Can we really escape the past? Just like that? Can we live like this forever?" "Maybe not, but this...this is better than how we've been living, especially you. Dark. Desolate. Depressed. Dismal." The younger boy looked down. "I guess you're right hyung. This is better than just being locked away. I just hope we never come down from this high." I smiled big and patted him on the back. "That a boy." The younger beamed and chuckled at me while running his hands through his hair. "Well if you're done worrying this hyung, we have to go meet the others, but we gotta go buy the alcohol first." "Right..." I turned around and peeked out, making sure the coast was clear. I started to make my way out of the alleyway when a hand grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Hyung as much as I like the feeling of living and freedom, I don't know how much longer I can continue this." I turned back around and looked at him, my mouth agape. 

"W-what do you mean?" "You have to know. I have a terrible secret to tell you."

*Time Skip* [A/N: All will be revealed later :D]

"Oh my God." "I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am." He was still crying and shaking. I just held him, still speechless. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so so so so s-s-sorry." His speech was getting distorted, his breathing becoming more haggard with each breath he took. "Did he know? Before?" "Y-y-es. He was the only reason I could sort of manage." "Oh my God." He clung to me for dear life. "PLEASE! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry hyung. I don't know what to do. I'm scared." He lessened his grip as he lowered his head in defeat. "I'm......so......scared." I threw my head back, trying to process all this information. A million things were going through my head right now. I wanted to make this right, but I didn't know if I could. I looked at the boy breaking down in my arms. He didn't even look like a man anymore. Just a little boy. A scared, confused, feeble little boy. All of this must have been so hard on him. What we were doing, probably only made it worse. "It'll be okay." I tried coaxing him, calming him down, but no matter how soothing I tried making the words, it wouldn't stop the shuddering. It wouldn't stop the tears from falling. I held him tighter as his mumbling kept becoming more incoherent. Usually I'm good at words. Usually I know what to say. I can give good advice or at least try to. Hell, I could probably talk a girl's panties off. It's my job to make people feel open enough to talk to me. I am Leader. I am supposed to have all the answers. This time...I have none. Absolutely nothing. If not for the first time in my life, I am completely clueless. All I knew was that my friend, my brother needed me. "Why didn't you tell you us?" "I couldn't!" He sniffled and looked up at me weakly. His eyes, swollen and puffy, nearly the color of a red crayon. "I couldn't say anything to anyone. I was scared of the consequences. But it had to happen. It had to. I couldn't stop. I wasn't thinking. He wasn't here to stop me...I...I...you hate me now don't you?" He collapsed into my arms and I held onto him as tightly as I could manage. "No! Don't you dare say that!" "But you do right? You hate me, they'll hate me, ARMY'll hate me...HE'D hate me the most. He'd be the most disappointed in me. In us. We're not living Monie-hyung." I broke at his words. He was right. We're not living. Our fans, if we even still had any, would be disgusted with us and rightfully so. No matter how much I tried wiping them away, I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop crying, wishing I could go back and undo all of this. HE would disapprove. All this time, we thought we were doing it for him but it was for us. Selfishly for us. And why? We've become afraid. We've become cowards. "I'm so sorry. I am a disappointment. This is all my fault. Please just leave me here." I rocked him back and forth in my arms. "Shh. It's going to be okay. It's gonna be fine. Everything will be alright. Believe in your hyung." "B-b-b-ut there's no way for me anymore. I deserve this." I took his chin and made him look at me. "This...This is why you've always been so timid. You always look over your shoulder. You glued a smile to your face. It was for him. It was for us. It was to hide. You don't have to hide anymore. Not from us. We are your friends. We are your family. We will protect you." "B-b-but..." "No! We will protect you. Do you understand me?! We will stop this. We may can't go back to being idols, but we'll go on to live normally and actually start living, like we're meant to." "I will never be normal! Never again! I can't have a 'life' anymore. I took that away from myself!" "Listen to me! It will be fine. I know the consequences but please believe me. I promise, no I swear to you, I will protect you. If no one else understands, I will make them understand." He held onto me silently as his continued fresh tears wt my shirt. "It'll be alright. I swear I will protect you. We will protect you. Alright?" He sniffled again and nodded his head. "Okay now c'mon we're gonna go." "To get the liquor? *sniffles and wipes eyes*" "No. We're gonna end this once and for all and start to actually live normal lies." "But can we? Can I? Even after what's happened? What I've done?" "Of course. It's gonna be hard at first, but we'll get through it somehow. We'll make it. I promise we can do this." He continued crying but nodded his head. "I'll try for you...Monie-hyung. I-I-I-I love you," he said to me in a low voice. "I love you too. Remember big brother will always be here." "Big brother..."