Forever We'll Be Young

Let Go

*Namjoon's POV*

"I don't understand. How does this happen?" "How does anything happen? We run every day and every night, but where really are we going? What's our purpose for doing so?" "To get away." "But what are we getting away from?" "Everything." "What's everything for us? We don't have much anymore." "Namjoon could you please not do this?! Not everyone has mastered Brain Monster philosophy and is in the mood to think!" "I don't know what else to do, that's almost all I have left now is thinking. Thinking is all I can think about! I think about what happened. I think about where we went wrong. I think about how everything is probably my fault." "Hyung, nothing. None of this is your fault." "It is all my fault. All of this. I am supposed to take care of you guys and here I am as the biggest fuck-up that could have ever existed. I am failing you all!" "Namjoon I'm sorry, I-I don't know what to say anymore. We're losing left and right, it feels like nothing is there." I looked at Yoongi and Jungkook and sighed. I know they're just trying to make me feel better, but nothing about this is okay. None of it. "Please hyung, let us help you. I know you're in a dark place, but so are we! You feel you fail as a leader for letting all this happen, but you'll only really fail as a leader if you don't open up and talk to us." "What am I supposed to say huh?! In how many ways can I say this is wrong. All of it is just so wrong. I don't understand why it's happening. Right now I should have answers. I should be able to make all of this okay, but I can't. I don't know how to." "Do you really think you're going to have the answers after everything that has happened to us? No one does. This isn't a failure on your part as a leader. You can't help the fact that you're not always going to be there at every waking moment." I sat down opposite of the two, eyes on the verge of watering. "But if I was, none of this would probably happen. They would be safe." "You don't know that, none of us do." Taehyung put his hand on my shoulder. "Stop blaming yourself." "I can't." Hoseok looked at me and sighed. "You can, but you won't. Why are you doing this to yourself?" "Someone has to take the punishment." 

Jin looked at me in disbelief. "And you think that someone is you?! If anything, I should be the one shouldering the blame. This is all my fault." "No! don't you dare Hyung, none of this falls on you. None of it." Jin got up and shook his head. "Stop this. We were all supposed to be in this together, and we just fell apart. That's not your fault. This is something bigger than any of could control. This. This is how it was meant to end. How it was supposed to end, isn't it?" He smiled sadly at me looking down so I couldn't see his tears. Jimin looked at him and bowed his head to hide his own tears. "What's happened to us?" "I really wish I could say Jiminie. I'm sorry." I closed my eyes as the tears started to fall. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me all of you." "Joon-ah," Yoongi started, "there's nothing to forgive, but the best thing you can for us is move on. Try and get past this, don't let this control you. We need you, now more than ever." "Promise us hyung, you'll do that for us. If you don't move on, none of us can." I looked around the room and sniffled as I wiped my tears. They were right, I had to be strong, but I don't think I can. I feel like a total coward unworthy of all their trust. Whatever wrong direction we were lead in, it's my fault. All of it. No words can convince me otherwise. I took a deep breath hoping they'd understand my madness and the frailty of my mindset. "I know you guys think I should be able to move past this, so we can heal and I want to be able to do that; to give you guys that. I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can..." I got up to leave the room ignoring....more like escaping the wide span of protests following me.