Forever We'll Be Young

I Need You

*Taehyung's POV*

I woke up. I was by myself in a dark and lonely place. I didn't understand how I got to this place. It was a place I used to come to a lot when I was little. When I was scared. I guess my mind was set on auto-pilot and led me here. I began coughing as my head began to ache a sharp pain as memories of the previous event began to come flooding back to me. Tears started streaming down my face. I can't believe I actually did it. I finally did it. I looked down at my clothes and noticed the blood on them. I took of my jacket, catching the water bottle that fell from its pocket. A water bottle? How did this even get here? I shook my head and tossed my jacket aside. The strong smell of iron hit me, putting me in a daze, reminding me of my sin. The screaming, the yelling, the cursing, the blood....now on my hands. I yelled out as I noticed how the red just gleaned on them. I took the water bottle and poured water on my hands. Anything to wash away what I've done, if only I could scrub away these past few days completely. I don't understand how all of this happened. One day everything is fine and right with the world. Now it's like being in my own personal slot of hell. I shrank back, pulling my knees to my chest, allowing myself to cry into them. 

I never meant for any of this to happen, but I had to do it. She had to be protected. She'll never talk to me again after this. She'll never want to see my face after putting her through this atrocity but I just hope she'll understand. It's my fault for making her go through this alone, I had to make it right. Please forgive me, even if I don't deserve it. Please forgive me, even if you'll still hate me. Because for you to be safe, that was priority. I furiously swiped at my tears as I reached for my phone in jean pocket. 

My hands were shaking, causing my phone to tremble in my hands as I tried dialing a number. If I was never going to see the time of day again, I may as well  get a chance to say my goodbyes. My heart sank as I got a voicemail. Maybe it's better he doesn't pick up. He'd be very disappointed in me. I tried my best to follow in his lead, but I just couldn't. I'm so sorry Hyung. I'm sorry. You would never want me to do this. I failed you. I failed you all, but right now you're not here to tell me that. Why not? 

"Hyung I miss you." 

My voice is hoarse and scratchy, almost mangled. I don't recognize it.Just like I don't recognize myself anymore. My vision is getting blurred by my tears again. I didn't even realize I was crying into the phone, until the voicemail box was telling me to hang up. I ended the call and closed my eyes. He cannot help me anyway. I don't know why I even tried. Maybe I just want someone to try and exonerate me from this guilt, but I deserve this. It's all my fault. Every single thing that has happened. I looked at my phone, contemplating whether or not to dial another number. I don't want to be alone. I just want time, before all of this is over for good. 

"Please pick up," I whispered as I heard the dial tone ring. "You're my last hope." My heart surely felt like ripping in two as I realized no one picked up. No one was ever going to pickup. "No please", I whimpered. This couldn't be happening. Please he has to pick up, he's the only one I could trust right now that I have no where else to go. No where else to turn to.

 It's like they already knew what I had done. I screamed and threw my phone as far away from me as I could, watching it break into pieces hitting the nearest wall. 

No one is ever going to forgive you for this Kim Taehyung. You'll forever be the monster you are. Just like him. You're no better than him. 

I am no better than him. I don't know what to do. 

You're all alone. You're nothing now.You know it. She knows it. He knows it. Everyone knows it. This is all your fault. 

No.... 

Yes! 

You're right.... 

You know what you have to do now don't you? 

But I can't.... 

Now you choose to be a coward?

I laid down on the ground, my knees hiked up to my chest, my panting breaths being the only thing heard. Maybe things were always supposed to happen this way. Maybe I was always destined to be alone. Maybe everything will be better once I'm dead.