Forever We'll Be Young

Butterfly

*Taehyung's POV*

The water looked still and calming as the sun began to set. I sighed to myself as I took in the view, reflecting on the past. All I ever wanted ever since I was a little kid was to be happy. To be truly happy. That day when I was told BigHit had chosen me as a trainee after my audition, I thought this was the beginning of my happiness. To be honest it was. It led him to six other guys who would be the reason I could smile my boxy smile everyday. They accepted me. My so-called weirdness and all. We were going to make history together. Break boundaries. Make our adoring fans proud of the people they dedicate their time to. My eyes began to sting as I could feel tears threating to fall as memories were suddenly coming to me. Now, everything seemed incomplete without Jin hyung here. At first we thought we could make it. Or at least we tried to. Sure we took some time to adjust to his passing. Released an album dedicated to our friend, tried to keep the mentioning of Jin to a minimum when talking in interviews because it would only trigger painful emotions for the remaining six of us, and we sympathized with fans when who probably missed Jin just as much as we did. Bangtan would never...could never be the same without Kim Seokjin. Sometimes it still feels like he's here. I wake up some mornings and I still smell his cooking. I still hear his laughter. I can still talk to him and ask him for advice. He's still somewhere taking pictures or recording us. He's still watching over us. I bit my lip and kicked over a pebble while continuing to watch over the water. So peaceful. So calm. A long time ago when all seven of us were here, I would have described it as happy. Happiness. What is that anymore?

My childhood life was crap. My mother abandoned us and it was just my father, sister, and I. My father was never home, but when he was....When he was, he was a drunken abusive bastard. My sister, he always seemed to want to especially pick on her. I think because, she reminded him so much of my mother in likeness. When I could, I would try to stop it, but when I became a trainee, I had to leave home. I had to leave my sister...with him. I felt so bad and so guilty about the entire thing, I would spend countless nights crying as I rarely was allowed contact with my family meaning I had little contact with my sister. While all the members tried their best to comfort me, only Jin hyung was the person who could mostly get through to me. He was the only one I fully opened up to and even secretly arranged for ways so that I could see my sister to make sure she was okay. He understood me and was the only person that could keep my anger at my father at bay. When Jin passed away, I didn't know what to do. None of us did. We thought we could still make it as BTS, but who were we kidding? We were missing a crucial part and we all knew it. Immediately afterwards, we slowly started descending into nothingness. Well at least I have. We abandoned our values to become stereotypical idols. We started partying, heavily drinking, Monie-hying even picked up a smoking habit although I did get him to kind of wing off and substitute them for lollipops. We thought we were living. We thought we were being free. Staying up all night, running from the police, taking even more risks. Fools we were. But we thought we were living finally. We had never been able to do just whatever until after Jin died. It was like we were butterflies trapped in cages. Scared. But Jin, our catalyst, our freer, he set us free. Now we could survive. Now we could live. But we were doing it wrong. We were doing the opposite of what he would have wanted. We were living in his name in vain and the thought of that sickens me with how much time we spent wasting away because we were hurt. Jungkook was right in his doubts that any of this could be right. I bent down and let my fingers gently graze the water, watching the ripple effect, oblivious to the tears that were falling down into the water below. I thought back to when I finally confessed to Namjoon-hyung what I had did.

"You have to know. I have a terrible secret to tell you. You're gonna hate me," I said silently, looking down refusing to meet his eyes. "I could never hate you Tae. You need to trust me. Now what is it that is keeping us from getting to the others?" I took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I...." I had started, but just even remembering the painful memory made me get choked up. I had turn away from Namjoon as I started shaking and quivering out of control. I didn't want him to hate me. My sister more than likely hates me. Jin would more than likely hate me if he was alive. ARMY would probably curse the very ground I walked on, if they ever found out. I couldn't handle if it Namjoon hated me. I loved him. He was one of the only family I had left. I couldn't risk him leaving me. I couldn't stop shaking as tears were streaming my eyes. Namjoon came up behind me and softly patted my back. "Tae, it is okay. You can tell me anything okay? I am here to listen. Not to judge you. Just tell me so I can help you with whatever is on your mind." I had to tell him. I didn't want to out of fear for losing him, but I had to because while I tried pretending I was okay, I wasn't. Everyday I was on the verge of breaking. First Jin hyung passed away. Then I've....killed my father....I sighed and slowly turned around to look at him as he kept patting my back. He took me into his arms and held me as I clung to him crying. "You have to understand. Please! You have to. I had no choice. I couldn't help it. I snapped okay?! He was hurting her." "Who was hurting her? Tae start from the beginning. I told you, I'm here to listen." I sniffled and looked up at him. "After we all went our separate ways immediately after so we could have some time to ourselves to cope with HIS death," it hurts to say Jin hyung's name still. "I went home. But...I come from a damaged home Monie-hyung. When I was young, my eomma left me and my sister with my father. But my father...he's a bad man hyung. A very bad man. He used to hurt us. It was the reason I used to seem so inconsolable during our early trainee days. It was why I faked so many smiles." My voice was getting lower and lower to the point of a whisper but Namjoon-hyung didn't complain, only looking at me with a look of concern. "I was walking in my old neighborhood. As I got closer to my old house, I could hear the shouting. I opened the door as quickly as I could and there he was. He was hurting her again. He was going to kill her this time. She was in danger. I couldn't lose her. I already lost my mother. I couldn't lose her too. When I saw him, my mind went blank hyung. I didn't even realize what I really did until I woke up somewhere by myself covered in blood. His blood."