Cease the Suffering - Etrian Odyssey II (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 19

AN: Thank you so much Irish_Moon_Dreamer and SakuraiYoake for commenting! Please enjoy!

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Chapter 19:

Dumping his bag onto the table, Lynus decided that he couldn’t put it off any longer. His bag was starting to get heavy. Books, journals, random notes, medicines; he had the habit of throwing whatever he needed, used or was given to him, into his bag. He needed to do a clean out.

His bag was also starting to get a little haggard and worn. No surprise, really. He’s had it for eight years, and it’s been through a lot.

Maybe he should get a new one?

Emptying the bag, it was no surprise to find several bottles of medica, random cough drops and bandages. Rolled and scrunched pieces of paper. No random lumps of food, thankfully. He also had several notebooks. One in particular caught his attention.

Lifting up the notebook, Lynus immediately froze, his throat tightening. He recognised the tattered corners and scruffy cover immediately. It was a medical journal. Lord Taksony’s personal medical journal.

He slowly lowered himself to sit on a chair, holding the book in his hands.

Against his will, he began to idly flip through the notes. He looked at his handwriting; short, terse and to the point. He didn’t read any of the words, he just looked. He trailed his fingertips over the words that were scribbled with a trembling hand. There were many.

Sitting on the chair, the book lying on his lap, Lynus felt a wave of emotions wash over him. He could still remember what it felt like to wake up in the mornings with a sense of dread and the selfish sense of devastation that he lived through the night. He remembered the constant need to be as useful as possible and looking busy. He remember offering comfort to other hostages, holding them as they cried in his arms, only to learn the next day that they had gone suspiciously missing.

Those were the hardest.

Lynus abruptly slammed the book shut and rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand. His throat felt tight and dry, his eyes hazy and gritty. He also felt as though he had just been punched. All these emotions, feelings. This book was bringing up things he wanted to forget.

The thing he remembered the most, though, was the sheer desperation and silent determination to end the suffering. That hollow thud. The spluttering, dying gasp. The overwhelming silence.

He killed a man. One blow. That was all that took.

A medic was supposed to save lives, not take them.

“Lynus?”

Running his hand over his face, pushing back any tears that threatened to fall, Lynus turned to face the door. He managed a shaky smile when he saw Axel standing there. Concern was evident on his features, his brow furrowed and a frown upon his lips.

“What’s wrong?” Axel immediately asked as strode into the room, making his way over to him.

“Oh, it’s…just medical notes,” Lynus answered, indicating to the worn book in his hand.

“Medical notes?” Axel repeated, looking confused, no doubt wondering why Lynus was looking frazzled and sombre over some medical notes.

“From…you know…” Lynus trailed off. He didn’t want to say it anymore. He just wanted to forget.

Axel immediately understood, an expression of realisation flittering across his face for a moment before a look of bitterness settled in. “Can I see?”