Sparks Fly: A Kaylor Love Story

Chapter 13: Screwed Up and Complicated

On Monday morning, Karlie wasn't waiting outside her house to walk to school with Taylor. This wasn't too odd to Taylor. Karlie sometimes got a lift with her father, so Taylor just assumed that was the reason. She walked to school alone, listening to music.

She arrived and made her way to her locker. Selena was waiting for her.

"So apparently Karlie has a girlfriend now." Selena said. Taylor didn't want nor need to be reminded. She hadn't been able to think of much else since Karlie texted her on Saturday evening.

"So I heard." Taylor said, her voice betraying her discomfort at the subject.

"What's up Tay? You don't seem like you're okay with it." Selena said, following Taylor as she made her way towards the English class.

"I'm fine with it. Hell, I even gave her the advice to just go for it and ask this girl out." Taylor said, trying to sound as upbeat as she could, but failing miserably.

"Oh Tay, I thought you'd gotten past your confused feelings for her, and that you guys were just friends now." Selena said.

"We are just friends, and I'm not confused about how I feel." Taylor said with a frustrated tone. Just then, the two girls looked straight ahead to where Karlie's locker was. Karlie was there talking to a beautiful, tall blonde girl. Just then, Karlie and the blonde girl - who Taylor figured must be Toni - began to kiss. Taylor was overwhelmed, and she felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes. She backed away a few steps, turned, and walked quickly in the direction of the girls' bathroom.

Taylor stood in front of a basin and splashed water on her face. She looked up up the mirror and in the reflection saw Selena standing behind her.

"I'm fine Selena." Taylor said indignantly.

"Really?" Selena asked. "Because from where I'm standing you seem a little jealous of Karlie and her girlfriend. Are you sure you aren't still confused about Karlie?"

"I'm sure." Taylor said, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not in the least bit confused."

"Then why did you run crying into a bathroom?" Selena asked.

"You don't get it. I know exactly how I feel about her." Taylor said, as tears began streaming down her face. "That's the problem."

"What do you mean?" Selena asked, puzzled.

"I..." Taylor began, before tears caused her to hesitate. "I'm in love with Karlie. I think I have been from the start."

Selena stared open-mouthed at Taylor for a moment before speaking.

"When did you realize this?" she asked Taylor.

"The moment she told me about Toni." Taylor replied. "Pathetic, isn't it. I finally fall in love with someone and I'm too stupid to accept my feelings for them until it's too late."

"It's okay Tay." Selena said, hugging Taylor.

"How is it okay? She's all I can think about, all I want. Now I have to see her in someone else's arms every day." Taylor sobbed.

"You could talk to her. Maybe she still has feelings for you, and is only dating Toni because she doesn't think you're interested." Selena said, trying to reassure her crying friend.

"What kind of asshole would I look like if I waltzed up to her and said 'hey Karlie, remember how I kissed you then spent two months acting like I wasn't interested? Well now you have a girlfriend I've realized I'm madly in love with you.' How would she be able to trust that I just would't pull this shit again?" Taylor said in a frustrated tone.

"I'm just trying to help Tay." Selena replied indignantly.

"I know." Taylor said apologetically. "It's just this whole situation is really screwed up and complicated."

"That's because you're dealing with love, the most screwed up and complicated of human emotions." Selena said.

"It's a ruthless game alright." Taylor said.

"Doesn't mean it's not a worthwhile fight." Selena replied.

"Only when there's something to fight for." Taylor said, this time in a tone of resignation.

"Isn't Karlie something to fight for?" Selena asked.

"Not if she's happy." Taylor said. "Fighting for her now, especially after acting uninterested for two months, would be selfish of me. I want her to be happy, and if her happiness is going to come from Toni, then I have to accept that."

"So you're going to push the 'just friends' line again?" Selena asked. "That didn't exactly work out the last time."

"That's because last time I was trying to run away from my feelings, without regards for Karlie. This time I'm just trying to avoid making things complicated for Karlie." Taylor said.

"You realize that's going to mean no more freaking out if they kiss, right?" Selena said.

"Yeah." Taylor responded. "But I've put myself in this position, I'm just going to have to deal with it, as much as it may hurt."

With that, the two girls decided to head to class, since Taylor seemed to have regained her composure. They arrived late, but managed to avoid getting into trouble when Selena explained to the teacher that Taylor had needed to throw up, and Selena had gone with her to make sure she was okay.

Taylor took her seat next to Karlie. Karlie smiled at Taylor. Taylor smiled back. The smile was genuine, although there was some emotional pain behind it. However Taylor made sure it didn't show. She really didn't want to make things complicated for Karlie.