Sparks Fly: A Kaylor Love Story

Chapter 17: What Feels Right

Initially, when Karlie and Toni had begun dating, Taylor had decided not to say anything about her feelings. She didn't want to complicate things for Karlie. But now everything had changed. The Karlie that Taylor saw with Toni wasn't the smiley, sunshiney Karlie that Taylor knew.  She had become increasingly downcast, and the two of them spent less and less time together. Now, Taylor was seriously considering telling Karlie everything: that she'd lied about it not meaning anything when they'd kissed, and that it'd taken losing Karlie to Toni for her to realize the extent to which she'd lied not only to Karlie, but to herself, and that she was head over heels in love with Karlie.

"Is that really a move you want to make Tay?" Selena asked, after Taylor expressed all of this to her.

"Yeah... no... I don't know..." Taylor said. "I want to tell her how I feel. I want to know whether or not we could have been something, or still could be something. But then my mind tells me that it's a terrible idea, that it's wrong of me to tell her how I feel while she's dating someone else."

"Here's the thing Taylor, you need to start following your gut more often." Selena said. "Throughout this whole situation you've done nothing but shy away from your instincts and it's led you here. You need to start doing what feels right without overthinking it."

"So you think I should tell her how I feel?" Taylor asked.

"I have an opinion, but I'm not going to tell you what it is, because I think this is a conclusion you need to reach on your own." Selena replied. "Do what feels right. That's the extent of my advice on this."

Taylor was a little frustrated. She had hoped Selena might give her more insight into the situation than that. She didn't voice her frustration though. She imagined that as frustrated as she may be at Selena's apparent non-answer, Selena was probably just as frustrated at constantly having to deal with Taylor's unrequited crush.

"I'll try to do that." Taylor said, more to acknowledge what Selena had said than anything. In reality, she didn't actually have any kind of meaningful response. She didn't know what to do with what Selena had said, because her problem was that she had no idea what felt right.

The two girls sat in silence for a moment.

"Are you going to Cara's party next Friday?" Selena asked, breaking the silence. The party had been the talk of the school for about a week, and pretty much everyone was informally invited.

"Nah." Taylor replied. "Cara is Toni's best friend, so Toni will be there with Karlie, and I don't feel like willingly putting myself in a situation where I'm likely to see them make out. Having to see it at school is hard enough."

"I guess that's fair enough." Selena said. "If you change your mind though, I can give you a ride there."

"Maybe..." Taylor said, once again responding mostly as an acknowledgment of the fact Selena had spoken. She had no intention of changing her mind.

The next week passed more or less uneventfully, and soon enough it was the night of Cara's party. Taylor was in her room doing homework. It was mind-numbingly boring but at least it kept Taylor's mind off Karlie.

At least it would have if Taylor and Karlie's bedroom windows didn't face one another. Taylor looked up and looked out her window and into Karlie's. Karlie was getting dressed, presumably for the party. The dress she was wearing was gorgeous, and Taylor was stunned by Karlie's beauty. She recalled the first thought she'd had upon seeing Karlie for the first time in English all those months ago: "She could be a model."

Suddenly Taylor realized that she'd seen Karlie in that dress before, the day they'd gone to the mall. She'd bought it in the end. Just then, Karlie looked up and saw Taylor. The girls waved at each other. Then Karlie picked up her pad of paper and a pen and began writing. Taylor reached for her pad and pen in preparation.

'You going tonight?' Karlie wrote.

'No, studying' Taylor wrote in reply.

'Wish you were' Karlie wrote. She gave Taylor a smile as she held the paper up. Taylor smiled back. Karlie put the pad down and stood up, giving Taylor a wave as she left her room.

Taylor went back to her homework. She moved her book and saw a piece of paper under it. It was a piece of paper from her pad, one which she'd written on during her and Karlie's last such conversation. She hadn't shown this one to Karlie though, the other girl had drawn her curtains before Taylor had the chance. It read simply 'I love you'.

Suddenly she understood Selena's advice. Do what feels right. This whole time, she'd felt like Karlie was right for her. When they'd kissed it felt absolutely right, like that was how the universe was supposed to be. Loving Karlie was what felt right to her and she needed to do something about it.

She quickly went to her closet and found a nice dress and hurriedly put it on. Then she did her makeup. She'd have liked to do it fancy, but she didn't have time, so she just did lipstick and a quick eyeliner job. Then she picked up her phone, took a deep breath, and called Selena.

"Hey Sel." She said when Selena answered. "It's not too late for me to change my mind is it?"