Travellers' Hearts {The Wattys 2017}

Chapter 8

Kate jumped up and pushed the door open. Thoughts whirled around in her head, making her feel dizzy. She stumbled over the doorsill. 'Doctor!', she shouted, not caring to keep her voice down. 'Doctor!' Steps came from a room on the other corridor, and after a moment, the Doctor came out of the door. They stood there for minutes that seemed to them like decades, looking eat each other. Kate suddenly felt sick, as if somebody had punched her in the stomach. 'How did you know? How-', she broke off, her voice whiny. She had never told anyone her last name, not ever, not since her parents had died. The way the Doctor had said it made every fibre inside her ache, and a throbbing pain spread through her body. 'Why didn't you want to tell?', he asked her seriously. She shook her head sadly and forced a small smile to appear on her lips. 'You know why', she answered quietly. 'Of all people, you should know best why people sometimes hide parts of their lifes, of their identity.' He shook his head. 'No, Kate, I don't think I know', he responded seriously, 'but you could... tell me?' His expression turned from stern to facetious; he raised an eyebrow, but underneath that mask, Kate thought to notice - just for a second - an expression of true interest, and just possibly something like sympathy. And in that moment, she couldn't help wondering if the Doctor maybe only let her travel with him because she, like him, was running from something that appeared to be herself and her own life, her own past. It was the first time that she noticed how much they were alike; two travellers, always on the run, trying to escape who they were, running away from their past, from their guilt. Kate had been silently fighting with what she had witnessed ever since they had returned to the Tardis, the way she had acted towards her parents, the fact that she was absolutely immortal and forever, and all of that rushed to her head all of a sudden to mix up with her doubts about whether the Doctor actually liked her.

A wave of throbbing pain rushed through Kate's body, and she broke into desperate cries. She opened her mouth to say something yet nothing but sobs that made her whole body shake escaped her lips. Her view blurred from the tears that were streaming down her cheeks, and she didn't really see nor notice how the Doctor gave her a small hug, led her to his room, sat her down and dried her tears with a tissue. She felt exhausted and somehow empty, and so she just stared into space for almost an hour, letting everything flash by. The Doctor had turned on a TV, which Kate was secretly grateful about since it saved them from the uncomfortable silence that would've totally fallen, regarding that she had been too tired during the last hour to make any sort of conversation.

After they had sat there for a long time, the Doctor took a breath and looked at Kate with an apologetical expression. 'I'm sorry', he said after a break, dropping his gaze. 'I shouldn't have been so curious, I was being insensitive', he apologised to her. Kate gave him a small smile. 'You weren't, it's not your fault', she assured him, 'and you were right. It's time for me to explain to you.' 'You don't have to', the Doctor responded. He felt bad about how he had made Kate feel, though it hadn't been on purpose. 'But I want to', Kate answered and looked into his eyes, the honest, dark brown eyes she liked about him because they looked at her like she was actually somebody who mattered when no one else did. She wanted to tell him because she felt that of all people, he deserved the most to know. Kate closed her eyes, tried to figure out what to say: 'There was a saying with our people,', she began, 'our race survived many wars, famines, there were many attempts on taking over the throne. My great-grandmother and a couple of other people fled from a different place and the first planet they landed on - they established a new empire there all on their own, and my great-grandmother was elected to be their leader. She became the first queen of our history, and when she was crowned, she changed her last name to 'Light'. All the great things she did for our people... you're too young to remember, but we were famous.' Kate gave the Doctor a look filled with pride. He had to grind down a chuckle - someone telling him he was too young to remember wasn't exactly something that happened to him all the time. After a small pause, she continued her explanation: 'When my great-grandmother reached the age of 160 years, a saying developed amongst her friends, to honour her: 'The light never fades.' It was engraved in one of the bars to the throne room, and when her ancestors all appeared to reach an extraordinarily high age, it became part of our culture, of our understanding of ourselves. Hold on a second!'; Kate pulled out the necklace she always wore and showed him the pendant. It looked like a sun, many thin golden sunrays were attached to it, giving an impression of fragility. One of the rays was longer than the others, and something was engraved in it in tiny letters. The Doctor squinted his eyes. He reached out to the bedside table, grabbed his glasses and put them on. Carefully, he lifted the necklace and held it against the lamp, where he could make out the sentence that was written on the pendant. 'The light never fades'

All of a sudden, it made sense. Why Kate held her last name secret. The light never fades. Her, being immortal. The Doctor looked at Kate in sorrow, but wasn't able to think of anything he could do to comfort her. Tears formed on her eyelashes, but she blinked them away in anger as her pupils contracted rapidly. Her green eyes radiated inner strenght that had formed again. 'Doctor, I have one last request, a plea', she addressed him. 'I know that I probably am not allowed to significantly change my past?' She looked at the Doctor, who nodded. 'No, I'm afraid that would be too dangerous', he explained. Kate nodded and hastened to continue. 'It's just that... while my people were fighting, I was sitting on the throne, doing nothing to help them, and I was wondering if maybe I could... change that? Fight the battle with them, support them, just be there, just for a bit? - Please?', she added, her voice breaking a bit.

The Doctor inhaled a sharp breath. He stood up abruptly and went through the door, leaving Kate to follow him into the control room. He was leaning onto the banister, his face buried in his hands. 'No, I can't do this', he finally said, avoiding her gaze. 'Why?', Kate asked, her voice small. She watched as his pupils dilated. Suddenly, his expressions changed. 'Because I can't!', he shouted at her, his eyes widening even more in fury. Kate backed up in shock. She didn't know what to do or what to say, when in that moment, steps could be heard and Rose appeared on the stairs to the first floor. 'What is happening?', Rose shouted at them, clearly annoyed. Before Kate could say anything, the Doctor began explaining in an irritated voice: 'Kate wants me to bring her back to watch her friends die, that's what's happening.' He turned to Kate in rage. 'Now do you think you want to see that? Because I can tell you that you don't! How many times do you think I went back in time to watch Gallifrey before it burnt, how many times do you think I stood there, about to go and save my family? You think that in that moment, I wanted to care about it being a fixed point in time or anything else?' He stopped for a second, silent sobs interrupted his speech. 'How many times do you think I stomped back into the Tardis furiously, then travelled across the whole universe to Dublin?' 'Why to Dublin?', Rose dared to ask in a trace of venturesomeness, but regretted it the moment after. 'Because there's a bar there where they don't question how much you order!', he shouted back, not able to hold back the tears anymore that were now streaming down his face. Not that it made much sense, with Time Lords being able to sober up whenever they wanted to. He sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. Kate hurried over and sat down next to him. She placed her hand on his right shoulder, not sure what to say. Rose stood there for a bit longer, than came over and squatted down left to the Doctor. 'I'll make some tea', she said quietly and attempted to get up, but Kate interrupted her by jumping up first. 'I'll do it!', she told her. 'Just stay here.' 'Black!', Rose shouted after her in an intimidating voice, 'and no sugar!' 'I might as well make coffee', Kate shouted back, annoyed. 'Yeah, or whiskey', Rose imitated her. Kate's nerves were all on edge, and, not actually meaning it, she burst out: 'Yeah, because we want a drunk and sobbing Time Lord with us!' 'STOP IT!', the Doctor interrupted them furiously, scaring Kate so much that she ran upstairs without saying another word.

Ten minutes later, she reappeared downstairs, balancing a tray with three cups of tea. She handed Rose and the Doctor one cup each and seated herself next to them, not sure if she should say anything. She felt quite humiliated over the way she had acted just before, and none of them said another word until the Doctor surprised them both when he suggested something they wouldn't have expected: 'Despite everything I said, I think we should go to Gallifrey.' 'W-what do you mean, Doctor?', Rose asked in astonishment and confusion. The Doctor looked at her. 'I think you deserve a choice', he simply stated without further explanation. Rose and Kate exchanged quick glances, but neither of them understood what the Doctor meant. They watched as he went to the controller and turned the wheel without saying another word. He didn't need to - it was all written on his face. Something was about to happen, and it was going to change everything. For all of them.