Take a chance, don't run away.

Part 30

*Tashas POV*

I arrived at the hotel and ran into our room. I sat on the end of the bed staring into space, tears rolling down my cheek. I thought the drug was meant to make you happy? I couldn't believe what I had just done, it was like, it wasn't me, it was someone else in my body. I looked at myself in the mirror, what had I turned into? I wiped my eyes and got into the shower. Steam filled the windows around the shower and I slowly drew a sad face through it. I heard the door open and I froze. 

"It's only me babygirl" Max shouted. 

I rubbed the sad face out and quickly washed my hair before climbing out the shower. My eyes were red and dialated. That must be the drug in my system. Coming back down from the drug was definitely not worth the high going up. Luckily the girls hadn't sussed anything. Or at least that’s what I think so far: I don't know what they said when I cut off. I hadn't had enough to stay high but I felt it for a good half an hour. I had walked back to our hotel, a good 30 minute walk. I had an app on my phone that helped me get back to this amazing hotel. I hated myself for taking the drug, yet I still craved more. I had the girls number still, but I couldn't do it...could I? I shook the thought out of my head and slowly unlocked the bathroom door. 

"Have you been crying?" Max tilted his head slightly. 

"Hayfever" I smiled. Hayfever? Come on Tasha, you can do better than this. 

"Oh okay" Max replied, putting the playstation on. I sighed a sigh of relief and lay on the bed, looking at the ceiling. 

"Max, sing to me?" 

"What? I'm playing this" He laughed nervously.

"Okay" I whispered. I got a lump in my throat. I don't know what was wrong with me, my head wasn't in a good place. I started humming a song to myself, I couldn't remember what the song was called, but I had heard it the other day.

"It's not about what you've done

It's about what you're doing

It's all about where you going

No matter where you've been

Let's go!" Max sung. 

"W-What?" 

"It's the chorus of the song you were humming you muppet!" I thought about the lyrics 'It's not about what you've done, it's about what you're doing’

Should I tell him? Have a clear conscience? No, I couldn't. If I did, I may lose him forever. Could I tell the girls? No they would tell me off. Well, maybe not all of them. Sophie would understand. Well she wouldn't but she wouldn't hate me. I had to talk to someone, I had to. If I didn't, I felt like I would burst. I could never handle things well on own. I got out my phone and typed out: 'Soph, text me when you get back? Need you to get shut of Jay for 10 mins so I can talk to you alone.xxxx' After a few minutes, she answered: 'Okay, will do. On way back now. Nath's driving again so if we die, it’s not our fault;)!xxx' I read it and smiled to myself. After an hour of just laying, lost in my own thoughts, my phone buzzed. 'Just across the corridor. Jay's coming to yours to play FIFA with Max' Sophie had texted. As I finished reading, there was a knock at the door and I answered to find Jay filling the door-way. I allowed him through and crossed the hall to Sophie's room. She let me in and I sat on the bed, thinking about how to word what I had to tell her.

"Tasha, what is it?" Sophie asked, sounding concerned.

"You're going to hate me, I'm going to lose you, lose the girls, lose Max, I've ruined everything" I cried. 

"Tasha, you're scaring me" She raised her voice. 

"Drugs" I whispered. 

"Wh-"