Shit Journel (Mostly Art)

Story of a Friend

Before I begin I would like to say that I will in fact be changing the 'friends' name in this to Steve as well as any other names that may or may not come up.

   It was the beginning of middle school. It was almost a whole new world. Now, I've seen Steve around my elementary school before, mostly hanging out with guys, you know how kids are with cooties and stuff. Now when I saw him in middle school and since he was in my class (In my school we rotated with our home room with each class except for enrichment classes) I thought he was pretty cute. It was the first week or so and one day I was wearing a Kingdom Hearts shirt since it was a part in why I loved video games so much. Steve was handing out papers for the teacher and he passed by my desk. He noticed my shirt (He might have been wearing it? idk.) and said "Hey, your shirts cool! I have that shirt too!" and I was like "Oh cool thanks!" 

   Once he was finished he sat down in his seat which was actually close to mine. One thing lead to another and he asked me to sit with him and his friends at lunch. Lunch came around and I sat with him, a friend of mine who I met in 5th grade but we currently no longer talk called Bobby, another kid who I saw around elm school who's called Timothy, a girl who I still am friend with called Elen, another girl who we'll call Lindsey and finally a girl who we'll call Annie (she'll come up later). We all were great friends... well I wasn't too close with Lindsey but she still stuck out for me. We formed the Anime and Creepy Pasta Club. It was a lot of fun while it lasted. 

   I eventually developed a crush on Steve because come the heck on if you have a lot in common with someone who is remotely attractive you cant not feel SOMETHING... unless of course you actually dont in which case I envy you and your ability to not feel such emotions.  He however said he liked someone but that someone was Annie though he did think she was a bit clingy and it was SO obvious she liked him too and I was getting a bit jealous of her with all the time she spent with him. I talked with Elen about it a bit as well as my best friends in another school. I told them I really liked Steve but, if I confessed to him I feared it would ruin our friendship so I was content with staying friends. Mind you, this was towards the end of the year, some of these thing happening after the passing of my father. 

   All was well. Me, Bobby, Steve, Elen and another best friend of mine, Aya, we're hanging out at this PBS recces (in my school we had this rewards system where we would be given tickets for doing good things and we could spend those tickets on various prizes). Steve pulled me to the side, Bobby seemed to know what was going on but he and my other friends kinda went and did their own thing. Steve confessed that he had a crush on me and then asked me out. I was kinda like "OH FUCK OH FUCKOH FUCKOH FUCK WHAT THE HELL REALLY ?!!!?!?!" on the inside and I took some time to give him an answer, weighing my options. I eventually agreed to being his girlfriend. Problem number one.

   As summer started we hung out as much as I felt like (because I'm introverted so I never really like hanging out too too much) but nothing seemed to change. We didn't do anything that would signify a relationship except for when he got a a bracelet. I can't  exactly remember when but he eventually broke up with me but we remained friends. 7th grade happened, he asked me out again, I said yes, he eventually broke up with me again because I was supposed to move to Texas that summer and a long distance relationship would be too hard, blah blah blah. We slowly drifted, shit happened that summer, Im here but he's not much of my friend as he used to be. He said 'Our relationship climaxed too early' but I blame our stubbornness as to not adapt to the changes we faced. 

   8th grade happens and we don't talk. I'm kinda upset over that stuff but I try and move on, and I think I do too! But... then we have health class together. One project we were put in a group together (I assume the health teacher thought we were still friend since she was pretty close to my family and has seen us together before). He still seemed the way he always was. He was funny and charming. I always told myself 'He's a douche bag now, a pure fuckboy' since he's been hanging out with the fuckboy crowd. In truth though he wasn't. I realized how not over him I really was. I wanted to hang out with him again and my friend tried to help me with that but... It's done I guess... I want to keep trying to be his friend but I don't want to come off as annoying... He's moved on I guess... But here I am praying for the past. I miss him so fucking much but i feel if I even try to strike up a casual conversation he wont respond. Maybe I shouldn't have given him that TBH...

   Now the dream I had this morning was kinda crazy (Besides the fact that at one point in one of my dream I feel like I was dating Jeonghan but anyway). When the dream began (from the first point I remember) I was on a drive way and my house was near his in the same neighborhood. The next part I remember is that we're in this banquet hall/restaurant thing with the whole 8th grade (from the previous school year). We were off to the side, talking and having a good time. He got close to my face and then asked me out, I thought he was going to kiss me. I was like "For real? Are you sure?" because I didn't know it was a dream and considering our past and the fact that he has a girlfriend. He was like "Yea for real" and I think I said yes but the next thing I remember after that is I'm sitting in the 'girl' section of the restaurant with a lot of girls and I was sitting near the only group of people that I actually fucking hate. They were being obnoxious and I don't remember what cased me to say anything but i yelled at the 'leader' saying like "OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP JESUS FUCKING CHIRST I HATE YOU" and then the leader and some of her girls started chasing me. 

   Steve saved me and then we were running from horror monsters. I felt like a total bad ass cause I was beating monsters up with chairs and stuff, it was great. We kinda got split up and we were in this motel place area thing. I had to hide from this monster who had this.. Rose in a box for its head? and I think it carried luggage that it used as a weapon? It looked cool though. I hid, Steve found me, he turned into a blue Eevee and I turned into Absol, we fought the monster, we fused then mega evolved and destroyed the horror monster convention center... 

   The next thing I remember after that... it was eerie. We lived in this autum home, thats the only way I know how to describe it. I got home and he was sitting at the kitchen table/nook thing. There was someone else there who I assume was to represent our kid? I began making dinner. Things were off. We we're all slightly insane, im not sure how to express in what way... I think it can relate to that game We Happy Few thought I haven't seen much of it but oh well. I reminded them to take their 'Medicine'. I remember then peeling a very thick carrot... When I got more into it... It had veins and almost looked like a human heart. I then woke up. It was weird as fuck.