Bear Hugs - COMPLETED

Chapter 17 - Where am I?

*WARNING- contains cutting*

I slowly open my eyes and am greeted by a bright light stinging my eyes. I feel an intense pain in my the right side of my head. As I groan I hear shuffling, I peer over to my left to see a familiar figure sitting in the chair. My eyes open wider and I take in my surroundings. Realisation hits me, I'm in a hospital. I look back at the still figure, and it's like he can feel my eyes on him because his shoot open and his worried expression turns into a happy one.

"You're awake! Oh my gosh! You're awake!" He stands up and plants a kiss on my forehead. "I've missed you so. So much." I spot a tear roll down his cheek and he quickly wipes it away.

He walks over to the door and calls for a doctor. A doctor rushes in soon after and in a flash of lightning there are many doctors around me, pushing buttons, sticking needles into me, monitoring my heart beat.

I feel the panic rise up in me as I finally remember why I am here. I feel my body shake and the tears fall out of my eyes. The doctors take a step back in surprise and one of them looks over at Oliver.

"We'll give you guys some time."

The 4 doctors exit the room and Oli walks over towards me, laying down in my bed with me. He gently entwines his fingers in my hair and I snuggle in closer to him. 

"I'm sorry."  

"For what?" I ask a little confused. 

"Not being able to save him." A sense of realisation falls over me. We are both blaming ourselves for this. I assure him that it's not his fault, because really, it's all mine.

*****

"We aren't quite sure when you are going to be able to leave. Although your health is improving, it is important for us to know you are 100% feeling better, mentally and physically." My main doctor states. I nod in understanding.

"I'm fine." He just nods and leaves me alone with Oliver. After our chat earlier the doctors came back in to run more tests and they said I was doing great. "Oliver. I think you should go home, help Mafi, go back to -"

"I am not going back to school! No way! Not when you're in here. The thought of leaving you alone kills me." 

"But Oliver. Education is important."

"Your wellbeing in more important Willow." I sigh.

"At least go home for a night then? I need some time alone. Please." He lets out a sigh and nods.

"Fine. But if you need me, message me or call me." He picks up his bag and leaves me alone. 

*about an hour later*

I lay there helplessly as my vision slowly blurs and the tears fall out of my eyes and race down my cheeks. The feeling of heartbreak sets in. It's like I can feel someone rip out my heart, stomp on it, throw it at a brick wall and tear it into tiny little shreds. 

I thought he would make it, I thought I would be a mum. But it's all my fault that he didn't make it. And he will never get to live out a full life because of me. He's gone, and I will never be able to forgive myself. I sit up and slowly move my legs to the right. I prepare myself to stand up and unexpectedly I feel fine. I push my 'trolley' over to the door on the other side of my room. I push it open and a wide smile makes its way across my face. That smile fades as I catch my reflecton in the wide mirror above the basin. 

My eyes are dark, and supported by bags. My face is pale and sunken. My eyes are like glass, broken glass, there's so much pain. I turn on the tap and catch a hand full of water, throwing it onto my face. I drag my hands down my face, grab the towel and dry it. I look back into the mirror and I look better. 

I turn off the tap and crawl back into my bed, just in time for another checkup.

"So, Willow, how are you feeling?" The doctor asks. 

"I'm feeling really good, great even." I push a giant smile onto my face.

"Well, in that case, you're free to go." The doctor walks out of the room, and minutes later Mafi and Oliver are standing before my bed as the doctors disconnect me from the medical equipment. "Just take great care of her." Oliver nods.

"We will." Mine and Oliver's fingers entwine as we walk out of my room and out of the hospital.

*****

*trigger warning- semi graphic self harm*

As I lay on the bottom bunk I look up at the planks of wood above me. I observe Oliver's breathing and it occurs to me that he is sleeping. I slowly crawl out of the bed and walk into the bathroom. I grab out the knife I hid in the back of the cabinet and search for the wolfbane I placed inside my toothpaste tube. I make sure the door is locked before I sit in the bath. 

Images flash through my mind of that day I saw Oliver in the bush with blood rushing down his wrist. I push it back and begin to drag the knife over my skin, adding flakes of wolfsbane to the cut. 

The voices scream at me.

"Your parent's death was your fault."

"Your son's death was your fault."

"Oliver is going to die next."

I don't bother to wash away my tears as the blood trickles down, dropping into the bath. I stop cutting once my arm has 5 wide gashes. I begin to feel light-headed and clouds of white take over my vision. The knife tumbles out of my hand and makes a clink sound as it hits the bath below. I feel myself fall back, and I drift off into a deep sleep.

*****

*We're all good now*

I am awoken by a knock on the door. 

"Willow? Are you out of the shower or just getting in?" Oliver asks.

"I'm just getting in," I call back. He replies with and 'okay' as I pull off my clothes, turning the taps on. I wash away the blood spots in the bath and wash the dried blood off my arm. After about 10 minutes I turn the taps off and grab the red towel I had brought in here last night. I wrap it around me and chuck my clothes into the basket that's beside the basin. I make sure my arm is hidden, by holding up my towel. 

I am greeted by a smiling Oliver when I open the door, he tilts his head down and places a sweet kiss on my forehead. He walks into the bathroom and I make my way to the bedroom, shutting the door and picking out a set of jeans and a hoodie for today. 

Just as I finish getting dressed Oliver walks in and drops his towel. 

"Oliver!" I yell turning around. I hear him laugh a small laugh as he tells me I can turn around. I am hesitant at first but to my surprise I turn around and he is fully dressed. My jaw drops. "How?" A wide smile spreads across his face as he leans into my face.

"Don't tell anyone." I instantly nod, and promise him that my lips are sealed. He places a soft kiss on my lips as he walks out the door, notifying me he is going out to the shops. 

As soon as he leaves I run into the bathroom, and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. I examine myself in the mirror, and when I lift up my shirt I am greeted by something horrific. 

Bruises spread around my ribs and my stomach, continuing onto my back. And what surprises me, is the amount of bones that are so easily seen.

This isn't normal.