H O L O G R A M

Tea with the Doctor

"Mr. Mendoza? Doctor Jerez will see you now." The nurse pointed Josh to the young doctor's office down the hallway. She smiled and resumed her post back to her desk, writing down on her blue clipboard.

Josh started his way on the white door with a name plate showing his doctor's name. A simple walk has been a struggle to Josh. He would wince with the small but sharp pain because of the ankle injury he sustained after the practice match with the rival school.

The injury scared the life out of Josh. His ankle required surgery which he immediately got however he was informed about the uncertainty of whether he could still play just like before. Basketball is his life.
He was born to be a professional basketball player. The ankle injury can possibly end it. End the dreams his parents have envisioned for him. Dreams that fueled his purpose. He was lost.

Cold sweat broke and he started heaving for air. He leaned over the wall and stayed there for a couple of minutes. He has been terrified ever since the accident happened. He would wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares that he was unable to run. He got less sleep. His eating habits were non-existent and he didn't see anyone aside from his worried parents.

He thought that once the surgery was done, everything will be alright. He'll be back in the court in no time. Josh will see his teammates soon. Cracking up jokes about how stupid he was for getting himself injured months before the national championship game. He would practice with them. Train with them again. He'll hear Coach Alfred yelling profanity with hints of encouragement.

He was so wrong.

Before the surgery, the doctors explained to Coach Alfred and his parents that there is no guarantee that he'll have his 100% play after. Yes, he'll be able to walk. Yes, he'll be able to run.

But not as fast as he was before.

Josh Mendoza was like a lightning bolt in court. He was famous for his incredible fast break moves. His speed was one of the reasons he got scouted by Coach Alfred and got into the university through a scholarship. If he loses his speed, he loses everything.

"Mr. Mendoza, what's wrong?" The nurse noticed him immediately, leaning on the wall for far too long. He shook his head and tried to gently push her out of his way. The last thing he needs is pity from strangers.

Josh heard the doctor's office door opening and emerged out of it is his doctor. He looked young to be in such a position. Doctor Jerez is also an embodiment of positivity. He seems to be happy seeing patients, ready to pass a compliment or two. He sure is best to do pep-talks before a game, Josh thought.

"Josh! Buddy! What're you doing there? Gloria, he'll be fine. Let him be." Doctor Jerez ordered.
He knows how much walking without any assistance means to him. Josh told him that a week after the surgery. He never wanted to be a burden to anyone.

"But Doctor Jerez," She sounded annoyed. The nurse rapidly exchanged glances between Doctor Jerez and Josh. The Doctor only smile and shooed her away while asking for a cup of tea. She looked helplessly at Josh and said to call her anytime. She huffily went back to her desk, giving the doctor an eye roll. He did not hide his amused laugh but waited for Josh to come inside his office.

The short distance from the wall to his office was excruciating. Josh appreciated Doctor Jerez more for letting him do it alone. His pride is already bruised by many pitying stares and remorse. It's been so hard dealing with people who feel sorry for you but don't really understand.

After what seems to be an eternity, Josh found himself inside the office. He slumped back on a chair while Dr. Jerez settled himself on the table. The Doctor asked if Josh wanted water and he nodded in agreement. He called someone, probably Gloria, and asked for water. A few minutes later, Gloria appeared with water and cookies as well as the doctor's mint tea. She smiled sweetly at Josh and gave Doctor Jerez another eye roll before leaving.

"I'm guessing she thinks I abuse patients or I don't take care of them." He chuckled. Josh politely smiled back. "She's like a mother hen."

"She sure is! Tell her that before you go home, okay?" He laughed and went picking up the brown folder that contained Josh's ankle x-ray.

"I've seen your x-ray and the results are promising Josh. You're getting better. However, that thing you did," Pointing at his office door, "Do you know what I think that is?"

"I don't know, Doc."

"A panic attack." He took a pen and notepad then started scribbling quickly. He ended with a dramatic period on the paper. He then looked back at me and gravely said what I knew was coming eventually.

"You did not start your therapy yet. It has been two months since the surgery, Josh. Tell me, why?"

I swallowed a big invisible lump and tried hard to bite the inside of my cheeks.
"I just don't feel like going."

"Josh, listen. Due to the way your ankle has been broken. The percentage of you getting your speed back is low. However, you must not let this stop you. Based on the results, you're absolutely okay now. What you're experiencing is purely," He paused for drama, "Psychosomatic. Here"

He handed Josh a note showing a new therapist. "But Doctor Jerez, what's the difference if I don't get my speed back? I don't need this."

"Kid, it is not only ankle injury that can cripple a person. Fear can too."